10/10 song. anyway, my perception is that he's stuck in a cycle where the thing he wants/lusts after is the thing bringing him down. and he keeps relying on the lust object to make him escape the pain that comes after the indulgence. basically, a song about co-dependence on sexual intimacy. he's let himself be convinced that it will/ can last forever and he's planning in his mind to scheme/ reproduce the intimacy, but it's not actually in his control, and he's reluctantly seeing the sober reality as the fantasized one dissipates. the medicine bottle represents an inability to let go of the fantasy. the sober reality is expressed by the knife in the back and the underwear tossed over the alarm clock. basically, he knows deep down the intimacy is not actually about him getting his dreams fulfilled, but being merely objectified by someone else for a short time. the pain, i think, comes from the disparity in how long the objectification lasts between the 2 of them, where he doesn't truly get what he wants for as long as he wants it, but she does. and the fact that he has this intense fantasy about what it meant is recognized by the lover, but when she says it's all in his head, he gets bitter/ jaded and begins to trust the sober feeling once she removed the rosey part. this is expressed by hiding in his room, as a way to isolate from the world that promised things falsely and added to his pain. the other side of the wall, the world and life he has to live to get that initimacy to come to him again, is something he doesn't want to deal with. but he is addicted to how the intimacy made him feel, so the cycle between punishing codependency and being realistic and safe from his own delusions keeps going on. this interpretation is largely funnelled through my own experience of serial masterbation high and being convinced a girl was into me based on one showing of interest, where i began to believe every delusion that offered me the rosiest feeling, because i wanted to. i've had a need to keep a high going, and it's been hard to accept the reality not controlled by me. basically, my medicine bottle is one i actually can keep on the shelf (porn/masterbation high) and bring out whenever i want. in Mark's case, the medicine he wants is one he can't have as often as he wants.
10/10 song. anyway, my perception is that he's stuck in a cycle where the thing he wants/lusts after is the thing bringing him down. and he keeps relying on the lust object to make him escape the pain that comes after the indulgence. basically, a song about co-dependence on sexual intimacy. he's let himself be convinced that it will/ can last forever and he's planning in his mind to scheme/ reproduce the intimacy, but it's not actually in his control, and he's reluctantly seeing the sober reality as the fantasized one dissipates. the medicine bottle represents an inability to let go of the fantasy. the sober reality is expressed by the knife in the back and the underwear tossed over the alarm clock. basically, he knows deep down the intimacy is not actually about him getting his dreams fulfilled, but being merely objectified by someone else for a short time. the pain, i think, comes from the disparity in how long the objectification lasts between the 2 of them, where he doesn't truly get what he wants for as long as he wants it, but she does. and the fact that he has this intense fantasy about what it meant is recognized by the lover, but when she says it's all in his head, he gets bitter/ jaded and begins to trust the sober feeling once she removed the rosey part. this is expressed by hiding in his room, as a way to isolate from the world that promised things falsely and added to his pain. the other side of the wall, the world and life he has to live to get that initimacy to come to him again, is something he doesn't want to deal with. but he is addicted to how the intimacy made him feel, so the cycle between punishing codependency and being realistic and safe from his own delusions keeps going on. this interpretation is largely funnelled through my own experience of serial masterbation high and being convinced a girl was into me based on one showing of interest, where i began to believe every delusion that offered me the rosiest feeling, because i wanted to. i've had a need to keep a high going, and it's been hard to accept the reality not controlled by me. basically, my medicine bottle is one i actually can keep on the shelf (porn/masterbation high) and bring out whenever i want. in Mark's case, the medicine he wants is one he can't have as often as he wants.