As someone who has recently discovered I have autism, I feel this song to my core.
As a kid, I didn't feel like anyone else around me. I looked like them, but I was different. Different... and shunned. Shunned like a snake and assumed to be evil even though I'm just trying to make my way in the grass. So I learned to strike at people when they tried to hurt me and that led to me striking at people who weren't trying to hurt me, just get near me.
<skipping the chorus for the end>
In the second verse, it's me as a young adult and in my 20s. I hid from the world in a dark room on my computer while everyone else lived outside. Some of them, I could hear the voices of them making fun of me for being a recluse, but I had lost all interest in their world by then. Except... I still wanted to be part of it but I didn't know how. The way I acted was bad and I couldn't figure out why. The only thing I knew, is that it was the "me" at my core that was wrong. I had been bred to suffer through life alone. I told myself if I ever figure out how to exist, I'm going to get out of this room and never come back. Luckily I did, with the help of my wife, but I needed her to guide me everywhere and stop me when the snake came out.
I have literally asked God to save me more times in my life than I can count. But the third verse covers it all. I finally discovered I'm not a snake, my brain chemistry is just different than most people's. However, my emotions are SOOOOOOO much stronger and I constantly fall apart because of it... to both good and bad things. I often found myself sobbing like a child until I could control it again. I still had to go back to that damn dark room for those episodes.
Verse: This is separate because it exists through all of this. ANY emotion I feel can get out of control if I don't notice it coming. Love is one of the strongest. It overwhelms me and I have trouble feeling it without losing my ability to process the world around me. I love being in love... but it always scared me because love is never just love. Love is compassion, jealousy, joy, anger, contentment, impatience, and almost any other emotion you can think of. Love touches them all. For someone who struggles to control their emotions sometimes, love is scary; love feels great, but I'm just waiting for the other emotions to come in and I have to pray I can control them. That is why the chorus is about love, but it has a tone of fear in the words and the music. For someone like me, love is both love and fear together.
I'm good now. Now that I know what is happening and why I feel so different from others I can start to build my own understanding of how I should be. Like Neo in The Matrix, I didn't know myself until I saw the Oracle. She didn't tell me who I am, she told me I need to know myself. It took some time and digging and learning, but I know myself now. I love myself now. This song though.... this is a glimpse into the mind of a person with Autism.
I am, in NO way, saying that Andrew or anyone else in Ludo HAS to have Autism or actually does. Just saying, if they aren't, they have accidentally written what I honestly believe could be the Anthem of the Autistic.
As someone who has recently discovered I have autism, I feel this song to my core.
As a kid, I didn't feel like anyone else around me. I looked like them, but I was different. Different... and shunned. Shunned like a snake and assumed to be evil even though I'm just trying to make my way in the grass. So I learned to strike at people when they tried to hurt me and that led to me striking at people who weren't trying to hurt me, just get near me.
<skipping the chorus for the end>
In the second verse, it's me as a young adult and in my 20s. I hid from the world in a dark room on my computer while everyone else lived outside. Some of them, I could hear the voices of them making fun of me for being a recluse, but I had lost all interest in their world by then. Except... I still wanted to be part of it but I didn't know how. The way I acted was bad and I couldn't figure out why. The only thing I knew, is that it was the "me" at my core that was wrong. I had been bred to suffer through life alone. I told myself if I ever figure out how to exist, I'm going to get out of this room and never come back. Luckily I did, with the help of my wife, but I needed her to guide me everywhere and stop me when the snake came out.
I have literally asked God to save me more times in my life than I can count. But the third verse covers it all. I finally discovered I'm not a snake, my brain chemistry is just different than most people's. However, my emotions are SOOOOOOO much stronger and I constantly fall apart because of it... to both good and bad things. I often found myself sobbing like a child until I could control it again. I still had to go back to that damn dark room for those episodes.
Verse: This is separate because it exists through all of this. ANY emotion I feel can get out of control if I don't notice it coming. Love is one of the strongest. It overwhelms me and I have trouble feeling it without losing my ability to process the world around me. I love being in love... but it always scared me because love is never just love. Love is compassion, jealousy, joy, anger, contentment, impatience, and almost any other emotion you can think of. Love touches them all. For someone who struggles to control their emotions sometimes, love is scary; love feels great, but I'm just waiting for the other emotions to come in and I have to pray I can control them. That is why the chorus is about love, but it has a tone of fear in the words and the music. For someone like me, love is both love and fear together.
I'm good now. Now that I know what is happening and why I feel so different from others I can start to build my own understanding of how I should be. Like Neo in The Matrix, I didn't know myself until I saw the Oracle. She didn't tell me who I am, she told me I need to know myself. It took some time and digging and learning, but I know myself now. I love myself now. This song though.... this is a glimpse into the mind of a person with Autism.
I am, in NO way, saying that Andrew or anyone else in Ludo HAS to have Autism or actually does. Just saying, if they aren't, they have accidentally written what I honestly believe could be the Anthem of the Autistic.