My take is that the guy is unable to love the girl but he still has hope deep inside him that with time he will be able to heal past scars and reciprocate the love she gives him. Every now and then she asks if he loves her back, and he can't bring himself to answer. He hurts her and he knows, but he can't lie. She says she understands, but they both know she expects it and can't really be happy without it. He tries so hard to give her his all and still never quite makes it.
In the middle of a passionate night, haunted by his guilt, he realizes he's not making any progress, leading them both on under the false premise of "I just need time".
He wonders, can it really be that bad to lie? She really loves him and he's sure she'll stick by him to the end if he says it back, she'll be happy, and he'll be at peace; if only he could say it once. And he almost does.
He stops, takes a long pause, looking into her moonlit eyes and says "[her name] I..." He swallows hard and tries again, his throat becoming solid stone "I...." His eyes grow teary, she knows he's trying, and he knows he failed. He can see the hope in her eyes give way to searing pain before he purses his lips and looks down.
He feels like a monster for deceiving his loving partner like he has, he can never change; so he gets up and runs. He just... runs and hides. He can't bear the terrible reality he's caught them both in. He's alone in his escape, and yet he feels hunted; the weight of his mistakes and baggage following close behind him. He escapes to the only safe place he knows, the full moon making him visualize himself not unlike a Werewolf; someone who finally shed his human disguise and let surface the "monster he really is". That this happened at night is no coincidence either; tranquil moments in the moonlight always weaken the wall he's been hiding his true feelings behind for so long; and as repressed as they had been up until tonight, they are just too heavy to hold onto. He let's them go and they plumet into the dark waters of his soul, the swelling wave ripping him off his "firm" grip and tough facade; pulling him into the chaotic darkness that now awaits below; but then again, hasn't it always been there...
Happy memories of time spent with her on the bay, and the cornfields, among others, surface; and he tries to cling onto them. Straining so hard to forget everything and evoke some of the happiness of those moments, hoping he'll keep his head above the ravaging tide he's caught in just long enough to reach the shore and gather himself again. A shore, which now seems so distant, he can't even see it. The only thing he feels now is the clashing waves, tearing him again and again from that sliver of hope he still fights so hard to reignite; but it's in vain, there's nothing left in there for him, and so it sinks, and vanishes in the darkness below.
He wails in fury and distress; and it sounds like a howl; the violence of the fear he harbors making his veins burn as though filled with high voltage. His mind snaps back to reality.
He's taking advantage of her is he not? He grits his teeth and curls his lips. "He's only pretending to love her and she's filled in the rest" He tells himself. He's hurt her far too much, he's not the good person he strived so hard to be. For her. He just wants to be enough to make her happy, he wishes she could have made him into the man she needs. And even that failed. He won't change for anyone. He's a fiend. And she deserves so much better, but he doesn't want to lose her.
In his pain and anguished madness he loses track of time. He hears a yelp but it's soon cut short. It sounds almost like a high pitched whine. He looks up to find his partner, her hand covering her mouth and a look of utter horror etched crudely into her face. The golden sunlight shining through the very window that allowed the moon to torment him not so long ago now drawing an alongated line connecting the two of them across the floor.
Her eyes are red, they tell the tale of a long night of mysery. And still, they speak clear as the tears still streaming from them.
She needs closure. She's tired of waiting, and she's hurting like hell. She would get on her knees and plead if necessary but by god she can't go on without the answer; the one answer he came so close to giving her on his own and couldn't.
He sees that in them and holds her gaze with one of profound defeat.
"And so it ends" he thinks, but she sees not the monster he thinks, but a completely different image. She sees what used to be a strong man; someone who held his ground for far too long; destroyed and ready to see the person he cares about the most in his life give up on him at last.
The wreck of someone who was taught by life he had to fight for everything he ever cared about like he came upon those things by chance and never deserved them in the first place; a sobbing mess, curled up on the ground and sobbing like he's been fatally wounded.
He can't fight anymore; he finally lost; so he cries, like he has so many times since he was just a naive child.
And even in face of this, she understands him. Her eyes soften. Her partner is not a jerk, he's not a beast or a heartless bastard like he's saying over and over again in distraught resignation.
No. What she sees before her, is the opening of a window into his soul. At long last. The armor fell, and she sees inside; his heart and soul bent and thrashed with the blows of battles far too bloody to share.
This is it, he finally gave way. She won't shame him for it, she knows better than to do so; it would be beating him at his lowest and that would help noone. No no, the way she sees it, there's nowhere else for him to go. Nowhere... but back to her; and if she wants to be able to help him love her, it has to be through that newly open door; one she will never lock again.
Sick af song, love it to bits!
My take is that the guy is unable to love the girl but he still has hope deep inside him that with time he will be able to heal past scars and reciprocate the love she gives him. Every now and then she asks if he loves her back, and he can't bring himself to answer. He hurts her and he knows, but he can't lie. She says she understands, but they both know she expects it and can't really be happy without it. He tries so hard to give her his all and still never quite makes it.
In the middle of a passionate night, haunted by his guilt, he realizes he's not making any progress, leading them both on under the false premise of "I just need time". He wonders, can it really be that bad to lie? She really loves him and he's sure she'll stick by him to the end if he says it back, she'll be happy, and he'll be at peace; if only he could say it once. And he almost does. He stops, takes a long pause, looking into her moonlit eyes and says "[her name] I..." He swallows hard and tries again, his throat becoming solid stone "I...." His eyes grow teary, she knows he's trying, and he knows he failed. He can see the hope in her eyes give way to searing pain before he purses his lips and looks down.
He feels like a monster for deceiving his loving partner like he has, he can never change; so he gets up and runs. He just... runs and hides. He can't bear the terrible reality he's caught them both in. He's alone in his escape, and yet he feels hunted; the weight of his mistakes and baggage following close behind him. He escapes to the only safe place he knows, the full moon making him visualize himself not unlike a Werewolf; someone who finally shed his human disguise and let surface the "monster he really is". That this happened at night is no coincidence either; tranquil moments in the moonlight always weaken the wall he's been hiding his true feelings behind for so long; and as repressed as they had been up until tonight, they are just too heavy to hold onto. He let's them go and they plumet into the dark waters of his soul, the swelling wave ripping him off his "firm" grip and tough facade; pulling him into the chaotic darkness that now awaits below; but then again, hasn't it always been there...
Happy memories of time spent with her on the bay, and the cornfields, among others, surface; and he tries to cling onto them. Straining so hard to forget everything and evoke some of the happiness of those moments, hoping he'll keep his head above the ravaging tide he's caught in just long enough to reach the shore and gather himself again. A shore, which now seems so distant, he can't even see it. The only thing he feels now is the clashing waves, tearing him again and again from that sliver of hope he still fights so hard to reignite; but it's in vain, there's nothing left in there for him, and so it sinks, and vanishes in the darkness below. He wails in fury and distress; and it sounds like a howl; the violence of the fear he harbors making his veins burn as though filled with high voltage. His mind snaps back to reality.
He's taking advantage of her is he not? He grits his teeth and curls his lips. "He's only pretending to love her and she's filled in the rest" He tells himself. He's hurt her far too much, he's not the good person he strived so hard to be. For her. He just wants to be enough to make her happy, he wishes she could have made him into the man she needs. And even that failed. He won't change for anyone. He's a fiend. And she deserves so much better, but he doesn't want to lose her.
In his pain and anguished madness he loses track of time. He hears a yelp but it's soon cut short. It sounds almost like a high pitched whine. He looks up to find his partner, her hand covering her mouth and a look of utter horror etched crudely into her face. The golden sunlight shining through the very window that allowed the moon to torment him not so long ago now drawing an alongated line connecting the two of them across the floor.
Her eyes are red, they tell the tale of a long night of mysery. And still, they speak clear as the tears still streaming from them. She needs closure. She's tired of waiting, and she's hurting like hell. She would get on her knees and plead if necessary but by god she can't go on without the answer; the one answer he came so close to giving her on his own and couldn't. He sees that in them and holds her gaze with one of profound defeat. "And so it ends" he thinks, but she sees not the monster he thinks, but a completely different image. She sees what used to be a strong man; someone who held his ground for far too long; destroyed and ready to see the person he cares about the most in his life give up on him at last.
The wreck of someone who was taught by life he had to fight for everything he ever cared about like he came upon those things by chance and never deserved them in the first place; a sobbing mess, curled up on the ground and sobbing like he's been fatally wounded. He can't fight anymore; he finally lost; so he cries, like he has so many times since he was just a naive child. And even in face of this, she understands him. Her eyes soften. Her partner is not a jerk, he's not a beast or a heartless bastard like he's saying over and over again in distraught resignation.
No. What she sees before her, is the opening of a window into his soul. At long last. The armor fell, and she sees inside; his heart and soul bent and thrashed with the blows of battles far too bloody to share.
This is it, he finally gave way. She won't shame him for it, she knows better than to do so; it would be beating him at his lowest and that would help noone. No no, the way she sees it, there's nowhere else for him to go. Nowhere... but back to her; and if she wants to be able to help him love her, it has to be through that newly open door; one she will never lock again.
[Edit: Don't ask, also typos]