He's contemplating suicide and realizing that's the only way to get sympathy -- to kill himself.
Many things point to that interpretation: Cemeteries feeling like home, no plan to grow old, speaking of weakness and wanting "to leave", wondering if the world will continue and thoughts of those left behind, telling himself not to be a pussy and to go through with it, not to think twice, and paying that price to attain sympathy.
He's contemplating suicide and realizing that's the only way to get sympathy -- to kill himself.
Many things point to that interpretation: Cemeteries feeling like home, no plan to grow old, speaking of weakness and wanting "to leave", wondering if the world will continue and thoughts of those left behind, telling himself not to be a pussy and to go through with it, not to think twice, and paying that price to attain sympathy.