This song is not about child abuse. It's not about sex. It's also not about Alice in Wonderland, although this topic is used as a metaphor in the official Video. What is this song about then? The answer is plain and simple: Insanity.
Now how do I reach this conclusion? I have an insane wife. We've been together for about 5 years, and all that time she took medication. Then she decided she would not need it anymore, and stopped taking them. Half a year later she had a psychotic thrust. And another half year later, a second one, far more severe than the first one. She's been in a mental hospital for several times now, for several months. She does not see she has this condition. She thinks she is healthy. But she has hallucinations and paranoia. She thinks the entire world is against her. I could not bear it, in order to protect myself, I had to leave her. I've never before experienced such a thing, and I do not wish this to happen to anyone. Not to become insane themselves, nor for a loved relative. I do no longer fear death, because I cannot imagine anything worse than watching the person you love above everything else turn insane, watch her struggling, and cannot do a damn thing to help her. In those months I was still with her, I've seen a glimpse of hell. So much for my personal background. Back to the song.
This song used to be one of my all time favourites. Because of the turbulent nature of the past months and a drift into different genres I've not heard it in a long time. So when YouTube recommended it again I was like "oh yeah, that's a good one" - I've never really listened to the lyrics all that much. I mean, I was aware of them, but... After my experiences, I heard something different. Word by word, both in the German version and the English translation, it's what has happened to my wife. Every line, every single word I can relate to something my wife has done, how she behaves because of her condition. She is imprisoned in her own mind, by insanity, and her world is twisted beyond recognition. A living nightmare, from where she cannot escape. Insanity has indeed dived into her soul, and uses her for it's own purposes, and has trapped her, left her blinded in a world from where she cannot escape. She does not know, which doors are the right ones, or who she can trust or not. In fact, she does not trust anyone anymore, not even me. No-one can help her, only she can escape herself by taking her medication again. But she cannot see this. She mistrusts everyone and everything.
Left right straight ahead,
there's no way out, you're dead...
I know now this has happened in the past. But I also know it was never this severe. I fear she will never find a way back out, and will be trapped inside her mind until she dies.
I for myself... This used to be a favourite song, but when I listened to it just now, it gave me a real flashback and left my crying like a baby for minutes. I'm not sure I will ever be able to listen to it again. In any case I will avoid it in the foreseeable future.
@Darthducker She sounds like what i went through, i was in the psych ward a couple of times on heavy meds, never thought there was something wrong with me, but when i finally realized after so many years that i have a problem i could face and conquer it, now i am perfectly healthy mentally, first step of the problem is admitting that there is one. You really played her on that one, leaving her :D i guess you didn\'t think she was worth the trouble, there is always a way if you are determined enough
@Darthducker She sounds like what i went through, i was in the psych ward a couple of times on heavy meds, never thought there was something wrong with me, but when i finally realized after so many years that i have a problem i could face and conquer it, now i am perfectly healthy mentally, first step of the problem is admitting that there is one. You really played her on that one, leaving her :D i guess you didn\'t think she was worth the trouble, there is always a way if you are determined enough
@martin1165 I sincerely hope she will find a way out of this. I am glad for you that you did. I for myself, I could not bear this anymore. I was with her in this period for another 8 or 9 months, and I felt how it affected my own sanity, because I started believing, or rather, I started doubting some things myself, and that she might be right. But there were reasonable explanations every time, nothing out of the ordinary. Since I left her, I\'m in therapy myself, and taking meds myself. I am a lot better, although I\'m...
@martin1165 I sincerely hope she will find a way out of this. I am glad for you that you did. I for myself, I could not bear this anymore. I was with her in this period for another 8 or 9 months, and I felt how it affected my own sanity, because I started believing, or rather, I started doubting some things myself, and that she might be right. But there were reasonable explanations every time, nothing out of the ordinary. Since I left her, I\'m in therapy myself, and taking meds myself. I am a lot better, although I\'m still struggling with our fate. I still love her, and I still check up on her. But I\'m slowly getting to the point that we don\'t have a common future. Judge me if you must. I am not proud that I left her, but it was the only sensible thing to to, or I would have shared her fate, eventually. I\'m certain of this.
This song is not about child abuse. It's not about sex. It's also not about Alice in Wonderland, although this topic is used as a metaphor in the official Video. What is this song about then? The answer is plain and simple: Insanity.
Now how do I reach this conclusion? I have an insane wife. We've been together for about 5 years, and all that time she took medication. Then she decided she would not need it anymore, and stopped taking them. Half a year later she had a psychotic thrust. And another half year later, a second one, far more severe than the first one. She's been in a mental hospital for several times now, for several months. She does not see she has this condition. She thinks she is healthy. But she has hallucinations and paranoia. She thinks the entire world is against her. I could not bear it, in order to protect myself, I had to leave her. I've never before experienced such a thing, and I do not wish this to happen to anyone. Not to become insane themselves, nor for a loved relative. I do no longer fear death, because I cannot imagine anything worse than watching the person you love above everything else turn insane, watch her struggling, and cannot do a damn thing to help her. In those months I was still with her, I've seen a glimpse of hell. So much for my personal background. Back to the song.
This song used to be one of my all time favourites. Because of the turbulent nature of the past months and a drift into different genres I've not heard it in a long time. So when YouTube recommended it again I was like "oh yeah, that's a good one" - I've never really listened to the lyrics all that much. I mean, I was aware of them, but... After my experiences, I heard something different. Word by word, both in the German version and the English translation, it's what has happened to my wife. Every line, every single word I can relate to something my wife has done, how she behaves because of her condition. She is imprisoned in her own mind, by insanity, and her world is twisted beyond recognition. A living nightmare, from where she cannot escape. Insanity has indeed dived into her soul, and uses her for it's own purposes, and has trapped her, left her blinded in a world from where she cannot escape. She does not know, which doors are the right ones, or who she can trust or not. In fact, she does not trust anyone anymore, not even me. No-one can help her, only she can escape herself by taking her medication again. But she cannot see this. She mistrusts everyone and everything.
Left right straight ahead, there's no way out, you're dead...
I know now this has happened in the past. But I also know it was never this severe. I fear she will never find a way back out, and will be trapped inside her mind until she dies.
I for myself... This used to be a favourite song, but when I listened to it just now, it gave me a real flashback and left my crying like a baby for minutes. I'm not sure I will ever be able to listen to it again. In any case I will avoid it in the foreseeable future.
Thank you for reading.
@Darthducker She sounds like what i went through, i was in the psych ward a couple of times on heavy meds, never thought there was something wrong with me, but when i finally realized after so many years that i have a problem i could face and conquer it, now i am perfectly healthy mentally, first step of the problem is admitting that there is one. You really played her on that one, leaving her :D i guess you didn\'t think she was worth the trouble, there is always a way if you are determined enough
@Darthducker She sounds like what i went through, i was in the psych ward a couple of times on heavy meds, never thought there was something wrong with me, but when i finally realized after so many years that i have a problem i could face and conquer it, now i am perfectly healthy mentally, first step of the problem is admitting that there is one. You really played her on that one, leaving her :D i guess you didn\'t think she was worth the trouble, there is always a way if you are determined enough
@martin1165 I sincerely hope she will find a way out of this. I am glad for you that you did. I for myself, I could not bear this anymore. I was with her in this period for another 8 or 9 months, and I felt how it affected my own sanity, because I started believing, or rather, I started doubting some things myself, and that she might be right. But there were reasonable explanations every time, nothing out of the ordinary. Since I left her, I\'m in therapy myself, and taking meds myself. I am a lot better, although I\'m...
@martin1165 I sincerely hope she will find a way out of this. I am glad for you that you did. I for myself, I could not bear this anymore. I was with her in this period for another 8 or 9 months, and I felt how it affected my own sanity, because I started believing, or rather, I started doubting some things myself, and that she might be right. But there were reasonable explanations every time, nothing out of the ordinary. Since I left her, I\'m in therapy myself, and taking meds myself. I am a lot better, although I\'m still struggling with our fate. I still love her, and I still check up on her. But I\'m slowly getting to the point that we don\'t have a common future. Judge me if you must. I am not proud that I left her, but it was the only sensible thing to to, or I would have shared her fate, eventually. I\'m certain of this.