This song evokes a memory of my birthmother who relinquished me for adoption when I was a baby. Seeing her again after so many years, I wanted to know what our time together had been like for her. What did she say? What did I hear? What did we do? It didn't quite seem real.
I was indeed her mistake and adoption prevented her from making another mistake--trying to raise a child as a teenage parent. It also allowed her to pretend to others that her pregnancy and relinquishment never occurred. It didn't feel quite real to her either.
Reunion was initially a joyful event for me. However the longer I stayed the more I saw how my birthmother's guilt was motivating her actions.. There was no love; only shame, hostility, and a guilty desire to make amends. That was all it ever was. I came to our reunion with a lot of hope, love and happiness in my heart. I felt she crushed my heart under her foot like it was an insect. She hid a lot of resentment and bitterness underneath her guilt. Perhaps she needed me to settle an old score. I wonder what it was like . . .
This song evokes a memory of my birthmother who relinquished me for adoption when I was a baby. Seeing her again after so many years, I wanted to know what our time together had been like for her. What did she say? What did I hear? What did we do? It didn't quite seem real. I was indeed her mistake and adoption prevented her from making another mistake--trying to raise a child as a teenage parent. It also allowed her to pretend to others that her pregnancy and relinquishment never occurred. It didn't feel quite real to her either. Reunion was initially a joyful event for me. However the longer I stayed the more I saw how my birthmother's guilt was motivating her actions.. There was no love; only shame, hostility, and a guilty desire to make amends. That was all it ever was. I came to our reunion with a lot of hope, love and happiness in my heart. I felt she crushed my heart under her foot like it was an insect. She hid a lot of resentment and bitterness underneath her guilt. Perhaps she needed me to settle an old score. I wonder what it was like . . .