Halsey has bipolar disorder. She was hospitalized for a suicide attempt that was caused by it when she was 17. Though the term "insane" is completely unacceptable when referring to someone with a mental illness, that is the way we are seen by outsiders (I have the disorder myself). It is very difficult when we are on the depressed end of our condition. Impulsiveness is a signifier of a manic episode the other "pole" of the disorder: buying an expensive bottle of booze just to pour it down the drain in the moment she regrets it and using the money that should've gone to her water bill to make herself feel better about the situation.
Manic episodes are referred to as "highs" and depressive states are referred to as "lows" by professionals, least by all the ones I've seen. Manic states can be really exhilarating. Most people prefer them because you feel invincible; you're far happier than your are at your your baseline ("normal" mood state); it feels so good that some people do not seek treatment when they are in the state. The down side is the depressive state that always follows it is debilitating. The line "are you high enough without the Mary Jane like me?", she can get "high", the euphoric way people hope to feel when they take drugs, without taking them because of her condition.
Self-deprivating humor is a very common coping mechanism. I do it myself. It makes it easier to explain the way you are feeling without coming on too strong. People respond well to it, even finding it funny if you're particularly good at it. Thus the line, "Do you tear yourself apart to entertain like me?"
When you reveal that you're bipolar, people most definitely look at you differently. My parents told me not to tell people for this very reason. They think people will be afraid of me because of the misconceptions that surround the disorder. Halsey is open about her condition, which people like us find really comforting because it tells us we're not alone, but it does add a lot of pressure and detour people from hopping onto her popularity team. Her line, "Do the people whisper 'bout you on the train like me?" is a perfect description of this.
It is really hard to reveal what you struggle with. People on the outside put in their two cents. They believe people like us should look "crazy" and "act" it at all times. She's gorgeous. People think she shouldn't "waste a pretty face" like hers by letting them know she's not perfect because she's pretty.
Some people see us as less than people. "And all the people say
You can't wake up, this is not a dream
You're part of a machine, you are not a human being". And once you let something like that out, you can't go back or make it all go away.
Being so ostracized or knowing that you will be if reveal a large portion of yourself does take a lot out of your self-esteem. Someone as pretty as her and who is a public figure is assumed to have a never ending supply of self esteem. "With your face all made up, living on a screen
Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline"
"I think there's a flaw in my code
These voices won't leave me alone
Well my heart is gold and my hands are cold". It is not know exactly what causes the disorder. You can't take an x-ray or have your blood drawn to know that you have it, so you're left to assume their inherently something wrong with you, but you can't put your finger on it. The voices aren't literal. They are the "voices" that tell us we're not good enough or will never amount to anything, the same ones that can convince us to kill ourselves.
Luckily, she knows she is more than her disorder. "Well my heart is gold and my hands are cold"
She's asking if other people deal with the same things she does. "Are you deranged like me?
Are you strange like me?
Lighting matches just to swallow up the flame like me?
Do you call yourself a fucking hurricane like me?
Pointing fingers cause you'll never take the blame like me?"
I think this song is about her struggle with bipolar disorder. It's not an uplifting anthem, but she's painfully honest and that's her style. I really appreciate it and her for being so open. She truly helps people like us. Knowing she's using her voice for good is what keeps her going. She's said it in interviews. She says being on stage is the only time when everything melts away and she feels at peace with herself.
Halsey has bipolar disorder. She was hospitalized for a suicide attempt that was caused by it when she was 17. Though the term "insane" is completely unacceptable when referring to someone with a mental illness, that is the way we are seen by outsiders (I have the disorder myself). It is very difficult when we are on the depressed end of our condition. Impulsiveness is a signifier of a manic episode the other "pole" of the disorder: buying an expensive bottle of booze just to pour it down the drain in the moment she regrets it and using the money that should've gone to her water bill to make herself feel better about the situation.
Manic episodes are referred to as "highs" and depressive states are referred to as "lows" by professionals, least by all the ones I've seen. Manic states can be really exhilarating. Most people prefer them because you feel invincible; you're far happier than your are at your your baseline ("normal" mood state); it feels so good that some people do not seek treatment when they are in the state. The down side is the depressive state that always follows it is debilitating. The line "are you high enough without the Mary Jane like me?", she can get "high", the euphoric way people hope to feel when they take drugs, without taking them because of her condition.
Self-deprivating humor is a very common coping mechanism. I do it myself. It makes it easier to explain the way you are feeling without coming on too strong. People respond well to it, even finding it funny if you're particularly good at it. Thus the line, "Do you tear yourself apart to entertain like me?"
When you reveal that you're bipolar, people most definitely look at you differently. My parents told me not to tell people for this very reason. They think people will be afraid of me because of the misconceptions that surround the disorder. Halsey is open about her condition, which people like us find really comforting because it tells us we're not alone, but it does add a lot of pressure and detour people from hopping onto her popularity team. Her line, "Do the people whisper 'bout you on the train like me?" is a perfect description of this.
It is really hard to reveal what you struggle with. People on the outside put in their two cents. They believe people like us should look "crazy" and "act" it at all times. She's gorgeous. People think she shouldn't "waste a pretty face" like hers by letting them know she's not perfect because she's pretty.
Some people see us as less than people. "And all the people say You can't wake up, this is not a dream You're part of a machine, you are not a human being". And once you let something like that out, you can't go back or make it all go away.
Being so ostracized or knowing that you will be if reveal a large portion of yourself does take a lot out of your self-esteem. Someone as pretty as her and who is a public figure is assumed to have a never ending supply of self esteem. "With your face all made up, living on a screen Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline"
"I think there's a flaw in my code These voices won't leave me alone Well my heart is gold and my hands are cold". It is not know exactly what causes the disorder. You can't take an x-ray or have your blood drawn to know that you have it, so you're left to assume their inherently something wrong with you, but you can't put your finger on it. The voices aren't literal. They are the "voices" that tell us we're not good enough or will never amount to anything, the same ones that can convince us to kill ourselves.
Luckily, she knows she is more than her disorder. "Well my heart is gold and my hands are cold"
She's asking if other people deal with the same things she does. "Are you deranged like me? Are you strange like me? Lighting matches just to swallow up the flame like me? Do you call yourself a fucking hurricane like me? Pointing fingers cause you'll never take the blame like me?"
I think this song is about her struggle with bipolar disorder. It's not an uplifting anthem, but she's painfully honest and that's her style. I really appreciate it and her for being so open. She truly helps people like us. Knowing she's using her voice for good is what keeps her going. She's said it in interviews. She says being on stage is the only time when everything melts away and she feels at peace with herself.
So yeah, meaning!
@erin104339 I didn’t know she had bipolar disorder. Thanks for your comment, it really makes me think about this song in a new way
@erin104339 I didn’t know she had bipolar disorder. Thanks for your comment, it really makes me think about this song in a new way