I've been wondering what drug this song is referring to for awhile (maybe 20 years).
It sounds autobiographical: doesn't mean it is, but LB is known for that and there were a few songs that sounded like he was dabbling from the Harmacy era. Pot ("Bakesale", "Smoke a Bowl") is the drug I tend to associate with Barlow, but there are 2 references to blood ("Heavy in my . . . ", "If I give it up, clean out my . . ") which might indicate IV use. The key clue may be "I stretch until I'm sore/then open up for (four?) more." More of what? There are some references on other tracks that are probably to amphetamines, but that might be someone else in the band (like Lowenstein) yowling about Crystal Gypsies and Weed against Speed. The song "Skull" talks about "chasing dragons through the snow", which would suggest Lou smokin' heroin. Heroin doesn't normally make one edgy. Lou's material is so intimate that you want to know the details of the story, if they exist, or at least I do.
The actual meaning of the song appears to be a person experiencing relationship tension and figuring out if it's him, his drug habits, or the other person. he feels pressure from his superego ("I got a saint . . .") but thinks he's being harsh on himself ("never understood me but still tells me how to live"). He thinks about changing his lifestyle, but doesn't know if it will actually improve matters (suggesting it is pot in the reference, which is subtle enough that you're not sure if it's a problem or not). The last lines are a judgement on himself, for not being pure and connected enough, with the double meaning of "connected" prominent. I think.
I've been wondering what drug this song is referring to for awhile (maybe 20 years). It sounds autobiographical: doesn't mean it is, but LB is known for that and there were a few songs that sounded like he was dabbling from the Harmacy era. Pot ("Bakesale", "Smoke a Bowl") is the drug I tend to associate with Barlow, but there are 2 references to blood ("Heavy in my . . . ", "If I give it up, clean out my . . ") which might indicate IV use. The key clue may be "I stretch until I'm sore/then open up for (four?) more." More of what? There are some references on other tracks that are probably to amphetamines, but that might be someone else in the band (like Lowenstein) yowling about Crystal Gypsies and Weed against Speed. The song "Skull" talks about "chasing dragons through the snow", which would suggest Lou smokin' heroin. Heroin doesn't normally make one edgy. Lou's material is so intimate that you want to know the details of the story, if they exist, or at least I do.
The actual meaning of the song appears to be a person experiencing relationship tension and figuring out if it's him, his drug habits, or the other person. he feels pressure from his superego ("I got a saint . . .") but thinks he's being harsh on himself ("never understood me but still tells me how to live"). He thinks about changing his lifestyle, but doesn't know if it will actually improve matters (suggesting it is pot in the reference, which is subtle enough that you're not sure if it's a problem or not). The last lines are a judgement on himself, for not being pure and connected enough, with the double meaning of "connected" prominent. I think.