this always makes me think of my mom, especially the "i cannot get you out" part because i've always struggled with the things i've internalized from her and never wanted..
Even the part you're all i taste in my mouth at night, because my mom had a salivary autoimmune disorder which means our mouths taste/feel/smell the same, she passed away recently, and i'm having a hard time dealing with it all.
I do think she ran away cuz she so desperately wanted to have a child and she found me, i disappointed her at every corner, every aspiration she had for me just completely shattered by my short comings.
I always struggled with relating to her but ever since she passed I've felt so close to her, i never thought i'd miss her when she was gone, but i guess "nothing stays the same".
I never planned to feel all of this for her, my heart really is breaking, i still remember the way she turned away from me in the hospital so i wouldnt have to see her as she died but she never let go of my hand, we were too ashamed of what we'd done to each other throughout our short time of knowing each other to look at each other's faces, I really hope she can find some rest now, she truly deserves it.
this always makes me think of my mom, especially the "i cannot get you out" part because i've always struggled with the things i've internalized from her and never wanted.. Even the part you're all i taste in my mouth at night, because my mom had a salivary autoimmune disorder which means our mouths taste/feel/smell the same, she passed away recently, and i'm having a hard time dealing with it all. I do think she ran away cuz she so desperately wanted to have a child and she found me, i disappointed her at every corner, every aspiration she had for me just completely shattered by my short comings. I always struggled with relating to her but ever since she passed I've felt so close to her, i never thought i'd miss her when she was gone, but i guess "nothing stays the same". I never planned to feel all of this for her, my heart really is breaking, i still remember the way she turned away from me in the hospital so i wouldnt have to see her as she died but she never let go of my hand, we were too ashamed of what we'd done to each other throughout our short time of knowing each other to look at each other's faces, I really hope she can find some rest now, she truly deserves it.