Quarterlife Crisis and Growing Up - What This Song Means to Me
At the moment I'm going through a "quarterlife crisis." I'm in my forth year of university in engineering but thinking maybe it's not for me after all. I've decided to take next semester away from school to work so I can figure out what a meaningful life for me really is. My parents are not too happy with this decision but of course it's my life, I'm an adult and can do what I think is right for me.
I feel like this song is speaking directly to my mom when it says "If you love me let me go" because in reality only I can make the right decisions for me and I know that what I choose to do is the right choice.
When it says "Cause these words are knives that often leave scars" it feels like all the words my parents have raised me with that I have to be a good student and now their disappointment when I look at the possibility that the path I'm currently on may not be for me. Them expressing their disappointment truly feels like knives jarring at me.
(Note: My situation differs from the song though because I won't let these words leave scars since I know they are not true. I know this seeming disappointment is in reality just my mom's fears that without being in school and on a clear path, I will fall apart (see next line).)
(Note 2: Their words did leave scars when I was a child though which is why changing paths now is so difficult for me)
(Note 3: It's also not just about my parents, but also friends and my perception of society in general)
But of course, there is always that "fear of falling apart" that holds me back from straying from the safe path (of engineering).
I know not to give into that fear though because I know I'm doing the right thing for me. "This is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart."
"Don’t try to sleep through the end of the world
Bury me alive
'Cause I won’t give up without a fight"
This is saying to me don't force me to be in a boring career I don't care about my whole life. I'll fight to do what I really want.
At the beginning of the song when it says "This is gospel for the fallen ones
Locked away in permanent slumber
Assembling their philosophies
From pieces of broken memories"
I think it's talking about all those people that are just following what society is telling them they should do which they find mundane since they did not choose it for themselves and it is therefore unimportant for them. But they have to fit it in with their philosophies to justify spending their lives this way.
I love at how the song continuously repeats
"Oh (This is the beat of my heart)
The fear of falling apart"
Because I know I have to follow "the beat of my heart" ie. what I know is right for me. At the same time though, there is so so so much fear of it not working out (me not working out!) and just falling apart. (But I must remember that as long as I keep trying and see things as coming at me in order to make me stronger then I can never actually break. Only I am in charge of if I fall apart.) Even while knowing this though, the fear is so powerful.
Quarterlife Crisis and Growing Up - What This Song Means to Me
At the moment I'm going through a "quarterlife crisis." I'm in my forth year of university in engineering but thinking maybe it's not for me after all. I've decided to take next semester away from school to work so I can figure out what a meaningful life for me really is. My parents are not too happy with this decision but of course it's my life, I'm an adult and can do what I think is right for me.
I feel like this song is speaking directly to my mom when it says "If you love me let me go" because in reality only I can make the right decisions for me and I know that what I choose to do is the right choice.
When it says "Cause these words are knives that often leave scars" it feels like all the words my parents have raised me with that I have to be a good student and now their disappointment when I look at the possibility that the path I'm currently on may not be for me. Them expressing their disappointment truly feels like knives jarring at me. (Note: My situation differs from the song though because I won't let these words leave scars since I know they are not true. I know this seeming disappointment is in reality just my mom's fears that without being in school and on a clear path, I will fall apart (see next line).) (Note 2: Their words did leave scars when I was a child though which is why changing paths now is so difficult for me) (Note 3: It's also not just about my parents, but also friends and my perception of society in general)
But of course, there is always that "fear of falling apart" that holds me back from straying from the safe path (of engineering).
I know not to give into that fear though because I know I'm doing the right thing for me. "This is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart."
"Don’t try to sleep through the end of the world Bury me alive 'Cause I won’t give up without a fight" This is saying to me don't force me to be in a boring career I don't care about my whole life. I'll fight to do what I really want.
At the beginning of the song when it says "This is gospel for the fallen ones Locked away in permanent slumber Assembling their philosophies From pieces of broken memories" I think it's talking about all those people that are just following what society is telling them they should do which they find mundane since they did not choose it for themselves and it is therefore unimportant for them. But they have to fit it in with their philosophies to justify spending their lives this way.
I love at how the song continuously repeats "Oh (This is the beat of my heart) The fear of falling apart" Because I know I have to follow "the beat of my heart" ie. what I know is right for me. At the same time though, there is so so so much fear of it not working out (me not working out!) and just falling apart. (But I must remember that as long as I keep trying and see things as coming at me in order to make me stronger then I can never actually break. Only I am in charge of if I fall apart.) Even while knowing this though, the fear is so powerful.