when you’re with a girl, you’re scared so you separate and your ego’s in control (without your heart).
In that state, you wish you could relate, but it’s only going to happen if you are ‘woken up’ from your fear
so you try to act big to everybody with superficialities
that doesn’t work and your therapist or a friend picks you up
while you’re in the egoic state, you can’t be sure of your actions, or anything you make
and you can sometimes get a sense that you’re not your true self, which can be unpleasant (get a whiff / gag / sick)
the paint reference could be working on yourself or therapy - once it’s no longer ‘wet’, you can start to understand and resolve it - or also could be just that you can ignore it (work it from your eye) once it’s no longer active.
In the egoic state, you stand alone forever from real things (the surf, the cloudy day), in a state of self-adoration (boss thing/specially for you), and kid yourself that everybody else wants you to be like that (needing it /sure)
In the end, you need to come to terms with this, and stop feeling fear at the woman. Just write it down, calm down. She’s just a woman. And that’s a lot, but also very grounding.
when you’re with a girl, you’re scared so you separate and your ego’s in control (without your heart). In that state, you wish you could relate, but it’s only going to happen if you are ‘woken up’ from your fear so you try to act big to everybody with superficialities that doesn’t work and your therapist or a friend picks you up while you’re in the egoic state, you can’t be sure of your actions, or anything you make and you can sometimes get a sense that you’re not your true self, which can be unpleasant (get a whiff / gag / sick) the paint reference could be working on yourself or therapy - once it’s no longer ‘wet’, you can start to understand and resolve it - or also could be just that you can ignore it (work it from your eye) once it’s no longer active. In the egoic state, you stand alone forever from real things (the surf, the cloudy day), in a state of self-adoration (boss thing/specially for you), and kid yourself that everybody else wants you to be like that (needing it /sure) In the end, you need to come to terms with this, and stop feeling fear at the woman. Just write it down, calm down. She’s just a woman. And that’s a lot, but also very grounding.