Definitely recalling feeling abandoned by her father and the nightmares that brought her as a child. I believe the father and love reference is an absence of love. and how her current relationship is just as distant or absent and makes her feel the same but it's not enough to swallow those pills (sleeping pills? suicide?). Being abandoned by some man will never be enough to make her take her own life but she will continue on in sickness (emotional sickness, that is).
Definitely recalling feeling abandoned by her father and the nightmares that brought her as a child. I believe the father and love reference is an absence of love. and how her current relationship is just as distant or absent and makes her feel the same but it's not enough to swallow those pills (sleeping pills? suicide?). Being abandoned by some man will never be enough to make her take her own life but she will continue on in sickness (emotional sickness, that is).