I was sitting listening to this song yesterday on my iPod at work and I suddenly homed in on a greater meaning of the whole song. You see, I had always focused on just a few of the lyrics at the beginning---the real showstopping, knock-em-dead poetry of these lines:
"You wear guilt
Like shackles on your feet
Like a halo in reverse
I can feel
The discomfort in your seat
And in your head it's worse
There's a pain
A famine in your heart
An aching to be free."
I was very focused on these lyrics not only because they are so beautifully written but because they speak most directly to me, a person who has an instinctive need to be seen as "Good" and who is trapped by guilt at every step, every turn.
I have also, for YEARS, heard that second stanza as "There's a PLEA" [not "pain"] of famine in your heart" and it's always been the most memorable of all the lines in the song. In fact, for me, it's been among the most memorable of all lines in all pop or rock music. So, it's pretty surprising to me to find out that the word is actually "pain." I loved it so much as "plea" because it's so incredibly evocative, this image of "a plea of famine in your heart"--a hunger that is plaintive, that yearns. I know that plaintive hunger, that "plea of famine," because I feel it every day.
Anyway, yesterday I found myself really listening to the song in its entirety, not just those few lines, and after listening a few times in earnest to the chorus (which I've always just glossed over as a catchy little jangle), I realized the significance of these words: "And when our worlds they fall apart/When the walls come tumbling in/Though we may deserve it/It will be worth it."
That catchy little chorus suddenly pierced me with its truth: I know that my world has to fall apart, that all the structures I've built and tried desperately to keep in place must come crashing down and that, despite the immense pain and trauma of this eruption, despite the fact that I deserve it, it will all, in the end, be worth it. (At least, I have to believe that it will be).
It will be worth it because although I'll be crushed by the guilt of having destroyed a loved one's life through my choice to leave them, I will have set us both free. I will have set myself free of the guilt of trying to always be Good, a self-sacrificer, a martyr.
Ultimately, in listening to this song more carefully than I ever have in years of loving it, I came to the same conclusion as Kaos71, below, who wrote:
"She uses the guilt as a reason not to allow herself to be happy so while she is a pillar of being "good" (hence the halo) it is not because she is doing it out of her own freewill and rather than she is letting this halo that should be on the top of her head bind her feet instead and not allow her to pursue happiness."
I never cease to be amazed at the power of some popular music lyrics, at what a potentially powerful medium it can be in the hands of wordsmiths like Depeche Mode, Tori Amos, Kate Bush, Freddie Mercury, and many others. Who says poetry in our modern era is dead?
I was sitting listening to this song yesterday on my iPod at work and I suddenly homed in on a greater meaning of the whole song. You see, I had always focused on just a few of the lyrics at the beginning---the real showstopping, knock-em-dead poetry of these lines:
"You wear guilt Like shackles on your feet Like a halo in reverse I can feel The discomfort in your seat And in your head it's worse
There's a pain A famine in your heart An aching to be free."
I was very focused on these lyrics not only because they are so beautifully written but because they speak most directly to me, a person who has an instinctive need to be seen as "Good" and who is trapped by guilt at every step, every turn.
I have also, for YEARS, heard that second stanza as "There's a PLEA" [not "pain"] of famine in your heart" and it's always been the most memorable of all the lines in the song. In fact, for me, it's been among the most memorable of all lines in all pop or rock music. So, it's pretty surprising to me to find out that the word is actually "pain." I loved it so much as "plea" because it's so incredibly evocative, this image of "a plea of famine in your heart"--a hunger that is plaintive, that yearns. I know that plaintive hunger, that "plea of famine," because I feel it every day.
Anyway, yesterday I found myself really listening to the song in its entirety, not just those few lines, and after listening a few times in earnest to the chorus (which I've always just glossed over as a catchy little jangle), I realized the significance of these words: "And when our worlds they fall apart/When the walls come tumbling in/Though we may deserve it/It will be worth it."
That catchy little chorus suddenly pierced me with its truth: I know that my world has to fall apart, that all the structures I've built and tried desperately to keep in place must come crashing down and that, despite the immense pain and trauma of this eruption, despite the fact that I deserve it, it will all, in the end, be worth it. (At least, I have to believe that it will be).
It will be worth it because although I'll be crushed by the guilt of having destroyed a loved one's life through my choice to leave them, I will have set us both free. I will have set myself free of the guilt of trying to always be Good, a self-sacrificer, a martyr.
Ultimately, in listening to this song more carefully than I ever have in years of loving it, I came to the same conclusion as Kaos71, below, who wrote:
"She uses the guilt as a reason not to allow herself to be happy so while she is a pillar of being "good" (hence the halo) it is not because she is doing it out of her own freewill and rather than she is letting this halo that should be on the top of her head bind her feet instead and not allow her to pursue happiness."
I never cease to be amazed at the power of some popular music lyrics, at what a potentially powerful medium it can be in the hands of wordsmiths like Depeche Mode, Tori Amos, Kate Bush, Freddie Mercury, and many others. Who says poetry in our modern era is dead?