I feel like this song is about somebody caught in a toxic relationship, one they sort of don't want out of, but they know in the back of their mind that they have to.
"I take as much as I can get, I don't take any regret."
The person they're in a relationship, the person they tell themselves they love, will probably give them almost anything, because the feelings are mutual, a double sided toxicity. And, as long as they're offering, they're telling her everything they can give her, they're making promises, they're coddling over her and kissing her and loving her and she knows it's wrong, but she'll take it, because she doesn't feel like she deserves any better. Even though the spark is just... gone. She doesn't love them anymore, but she wants to believe she does, so she feels whole when they hold her. She doesn't even care that it's so unfair.
"I close my eyes to conjure up something, but it's just a faint taste in my mouth."
Maybe, sometimes she thinks about telling her partner, her lover, her what EVER that this shouldn't work, this isn't a healthy relationship, she wants out, she wants out, /God/ does she want out, but they go and do that thing that drives her crazy again, something that she's worried she'll never get again with anybody else, something she shouldn't even be getting now. Maybe they nuzzle into her neck. Maybe they pull her close, like she's a live vest. Maybe they just tell her they love her. So whatever she had started to say, whatever she was going to tell them, 'This isn't working out', 'I just don't love you', she lets the words die away, and she pretends to have forgotten what she'd said in the first place, the taste of the words still there. Faint, pushed to the side for now- but still lingering.
"By tomorrow I'll be leaving, by tomorrow I'll gone, if you want to tell me something, you had better make it strong. 'Cause I think I'm coming down."
She's telling herself, finally, she's leaving, she's getting out of this hollow hole that she can't pretend is love any longer. But she's only threatening it; she's giving her lover a chance, they can say something to make her stay, she's letting them know that there's the possibility she won't go, because she's falling, she's finally admitting to herself that she's not in love with them anymore. She's facing it; but they can say something charming, something to delight her, something to make her shove her fears of being alone away and to the side again. She can be reassured, and it probably, in retrospect, won't take that much convincing.. Even if she puts up a fight, she knows she'll be sold.
Yes, she'll be sold, but she's aware now.
She knows she's losing her grip on her lover.
Or at least, her lover is losing their grip on her?
At least, she's acknowledging it.
And she's prepared for the low.
She knows that staying with this false sense of comfort and whatever she thought was love can only lead to more pain.
I think she's almost welcoming it, a little bit scared to leave.
She knows it's going to SUCK, she knows she's never going to be satisfied again, never going to really feel it, not with them, anyway.
Right now, she's just holding on to them, because if she lets go, nobody else will catch her.
She's probably still telling herself she's uncertain about it, though something deep in her gut knows for a fact, she has to leave.
She's getting it worked up, she's done staying up at night, done having fitful rests with guilt and anxiety.
"Here I go", off to break it off, out to sabotage her own mock-happiness.
"There I go."
She's done. She's gone.
"You abuse the ones who love you, You abuse the ones who won't, If you ever had a real heart, I don't think you'd know where to start."
Now she's chastising herself. She can't love someone properly, not without getting clingy. And when someone doesn't love her, when someone stops loving her, when someone shoves her away, she gets clingier. Maybe, if she knew how to really love, how to /really/ let someone understand her, maybe she could find a fresh start, maybe she could be happy. Maybe.
But she can't hold herself down because she feels like she's got it as best as she's ever going to get it, right here and right now. If this is the best, she doesn't want it.
I feel like this song is about somebody caught in a toxic relationship, one they sort of don't want out of, but they know in the back of their mind that they have to.
"I take as much as I can get, I don't take any regret."
The person they're in a relationship, the person they tell themselves they love, will probably give them almost anything, because the feelings are mutual, a double sided toxicity. And, as long as they're offering, they're telling her everything they can give her, they're making promises, they're coddling over her and kissing her and loving her and she knows it's wrong, but she'll take it, because she doesn't feel like she deserves any better. Even though the spark is just... gone. She doesn't love them anymore, but she wants to believe she does, so she feels whole when they hold her. She doesn't even care that it's so unfair.
"I close my eyes to conjure up something, but it's just a faint taste in my mouth."
Maybe, sometimes she thinks about telling her partner, her lover, her what EVER that this shouldn't work, this isn't a healthy relationship, she wants out, she wants out, /God/ does she want out, but they go and do that thing that drives her crazy again, something that she's worried she'll never get again with anybody else, something she shouldn't even be getting now. Maybe they nuzzle into her neck. Maybe they pull her close, like she's a live vest. Maybe they just tell her they love her. So whatever she had started to say, whatever she was going to tell them, 'This isn't working out', 'I just don't love you', she lets the words die away, and she pretends to have forgotten what she'd said in the first place, the taste of the words still there. Faint, pushed to the side for now- but still lingering.
"By tomorrow I'll be leaving, by tomorrow I'll gone, if you want to tell me something, you had better make it strong. 'Cause I think I'm coming down."
She's telling herself, finally, she's leaving, she's getting out of this hollow hole that she can't pretend is love any longer. But she's only threatening it; she's giving her lover a chance, they can say something to make her stay, she's letting them know that there's the possibility she won't go, because she's falling, she's finally admitting to herself that she's not in love with them anymore. She's facing it; but they can say something charming, something to delight her, something to make her shove her fears of being alone away and to the side again. She can be reassured, and it probably, in retrospect, won't take that much convincing.. Even if she puts up a fight, she knows she'll be sold.
Yes, she'll be sold, but she's aware now. She knows she's losing her grip on her lover. Or at least, her lover is losing their grip on her? At least, she's acknowledging it. And she's prepared for the low. She knows that staying with this false sense of comfort and whatever she thought was love can only lead to more pain. I think she's almost welcoming it, a little bit scared to leave. She knows it's going to SUCK, she knows she's never going to be satisfied again, never going to really feel it, not with them, anyway. Right now, she's just holding on to them, because if she lets go, nobody else will catch her. She's probably still telling herself she's uncertain about it, though something deep in her gut knows for a fact, she has to leave. She's getting it worked up, she's done staying up at night, done having fitful rests with guilt and anxiety. "Here I go", off to break it off, out to sabotage her own mock-happiness.
"There I go." She's done. She's gone.
"You abuse the ones who love you, You abuse the ones who won't, If you ever had a real heart, I don't think you'd know where to start."
Now she's chastising herself. She can't love someone properly, not without getting clingy. And when someone doesn't love her, when someone stops loving her, when someone shoves her away, she gets clingier. Maybe, if she knew how to really love, how to /really/ let someone understand her, maybe she could find a fresh start, maybe she could be happy. Maybe.
But she can't hold herself down because she feels like she's got it as best as she's ever going to get it, right here and right now. If this is the best, she doesn't want it.