Human

I heard this song a few days ago and could not believe how much it spoke to me. It is so relevant for what is currently going on in my life. For the past 6-7 months, there has been a lot of sexual tension between my roommate and I. We became extremely close friends, spending quite a lot of time together while conversing into the wee hours of the night. To make a long story short, the inevitable took place: we finally had sex. Very hot, passionate sex. I haven't felt that alive in several years. I've felt unappreciated, undesired and alone despite being in a serious relationship for the past 5 years. Anyway, my roommate and I often spoke about sex (which obviously stemmed from the sexual tension between us), sharing intimate details of our sexual encounters, discussing what we would and/or wouldn't do, etc. Well, I digress. Let me get to the point. Him and I talked a lot about how we can separate sex from "other" emotions. But for some reason, I am having a hard time doing that in this situation. And I don't think he knows this. I obviously can't tell him. He continues to tell me about these other females that he is sleeping with, thinking that I have no care in the world but to listen. I think it bothers me most because our friendship has changed. We no longer talk for hours through the night, and he hasn't been showing me much interest outside of when we have sex ever since he has met this new girl. I am significantly younger than both of them, so he probably does not want to give up our amazing sex, but I feel worthless now. And I don't know why because I have no place to be bothered by this. This song speaks to me, it is so beautiful. Below I interpret the lyrics as they are meaningful to myself:

"Woken up like an animal Teeth ready for sinking My mind's lost in bleak vision I tried to escape but keep sinking"

This is a metaphor for the animalistic desires that bring me great struggle; particularly my insatiable craving for physical, and perhaps subconsciously, emotional connection. These intense feelings mimic a high, waking me up out of a sleep with my heart racing, I'm reading to "sink my teeth" into the forbidden fruit: the person I want not only sexually, but emotionally, but cannot realistically have. My rational mind understands this can never be in reality, but I am clouded by the overwhelming "high", stupid emotions flooding my brain. I tell myself I have to stop or it will always get worse, but whenever the opportunity arises, I give in. I sink.

"Underneath the skin there's a human Buried deep within there's a human And despite everything I'm still human But I think I'm dying here..."

He thinks that I am "different", that I am some emotionless, sexual human being. Little does he know that "underneath the skin there's a human." I may pretend that everything is okay, put on a smile, laugh and listen, but "buried deep within there's a human". "Despite everything, I'm still human..." The longer this goes on, the more emotionally drained I will become. Once the manic high wears off, I will fall into a dark, depressive state. "but I think I'm dying here..."