I think he suspects that his wife has been cheating and thus he contemplates killing her out of jealousy. That's why he sees her dead in various situations and that's why he makes coffee for three. This explains the verse "Am I the only one that sees her?" - he is just unsure if she's faithful or not, and also why he drills holes in the wall - he wants to spy her to be sure. He is also undecided as to what he likes more - having her killed and keeping a dear memory, or letting her live, "flesh and blood", but likely cheating.
I think he suspects that his wife has been cheating and thus he contemplates killing her out of jealousy. That's why he sees her dead in various situations and that's why he makes coffee for three. This explains the verse "Am I the only one that sees her?" - he is just unsure if she's faithful or not, and also why he drills holes in the wall - he wants to spy her to be sure. He is also undecided as to what he likes more - having her killed and keeping a dear memory, or letting her live, "flesh and blood", but likely cheating.