makes me think of the phrase watching a train wreck in slow motion
i wasnt ready for college when i graduated high school. some things happened and i wasn't in a healthy state of mind when i left home for school, hundreds of miles away from my family and friends. suicidal thought and depression were not as unusual as i would have preferred. and when you have so many expectations on you its like all you can do is hold on. after four long years i knew that all i was doing was just digging my hole deeper and deeper. it was scary when i told my family and friends back home that i wouldn't be graduating, and yes there were some sighs and looks of disappointment, but at that point i couldn't care less. it might be selfish but for the first time in years i was free. i lost friends from it but now i realize that those people were never friends to begin with if your friendship hinged entirely on expectancies instead of anything meaningful. i feel so much better now and its like instead of failure or defeat i've simply closed an ugly chapter in my life. i like where i'm at now. i have my family and friends and an okay 40hr a week job but that doesn't matter. i'm happy and i feel better. when i wake up there isn't this pressure on my shoulders and this hollowing feeling in my gut. i wake up and i'm smiling. when i'm ready i will go back because an education is important. until then i'll settle for less =}
makes me think of the phrase watching a train wreck in slow motion
i wasnt ready for college when i graduated high school. some things happened and i wasn't in a healthy state of mind when i left home for school, hundreds of miles away from my family and friends. suicidal thought and depression were not as unusual as i would have preferred. and when you have so many expectations on you its like all you can do is hold on. after four long years i knew that all i was doing was just digging my hole deeper and deeper. it was scary when i told my family and friends back home that i wouldn't be graduating, and yes there were some sighs and looks of disappointment, but at that point i couldn't care less. it might be selfish but for the first time in years i was free. i lost friends from it but now i realize that those people were never friends to begin with if your friendship hinged entirely on expectancies instead of anything meaningful. i feel so much better now and its like instead of failure or defeat i've simply closed an ugly chapter in my life. i like where i'm at now. i have my family and friends and an okay 40hr a week job but that doesn't matter. i'm happy and i feel better. when i wake up there isn't this pressure on my shoulders and this hollowing feeling in my gut. i wake up and i'm smiling. when i'm ready i will go back because an education is important. until then i'll settle for less =}
good song