I agree with arctic tundra but I'd like to add that for me it sounds like fear. Fear to being that backslider. And with that fear instilled into you, you'll try anything to not be one. Being brought up in an ultra christian home, my whole life was church and god and christ and all that. As a joined a cultish organization, that fear intensified until I could see that it controlled my whole life. I'm not longer a christian but I think I can understand those that literally feel the fear of death every minute of their lives if they don't do what they're told. One of my faves for sure.
I agree with arctic tundra but I'd like to add that for me it sounds like fear. Fear to being that backslider. And with that fear instilled into you, you'll try anything to not be one. Being brought up in an ultra christian home, my whole life was church and god and christ and all that. As a joined a cultish organization, that fear intensified until I could see that it controlled my whole life. I'm not longer a christian but I think I can understand those that literally feel the fear of death every minute of their lives if they don't do what they're told. One of my faves for sure.