'What'll I do if you never find me again?
Sittin' in a Province a million miles from my friends.
What'll I do if you never want me again?'
Songs like this make me have doubts. Doubts about far-off things, like the person you're going to be when you're older, or the place you want to live in 10 years time. Could a thought really last so long? Surely it must fade out, surely the original feeling can be studied, questioned, doubted and exposed? Thrown out and replaced with a 'better' one.
Given enough time I think even the best idea can seem like a stupid one, or if rushed maybe the worst idea can turn out to be the best one. I don't know. I'm not a person who rushes into things; I analyze relentlessly, I doubt myself almost constantly and I don't think that's ever going to change. It comes down to a moment, or a feeling, or a person, who makes you say "fuck it", gives you the confidence to go through with your stupid pipe dreams, those ones you said "would be nice" but knew you'd never have the guts to do/go/leave/stay.
I had an experience last weekend that made me realise I wasn't confined to being I thought I was. I was in town with a girl the day after we saw Broken Social Scene in concert when we saw 3 of the band members walk into a coffee shop. Being a socially anxious person, I didn't have the confidence to walk up to these amazing people, these heroes of mine, and ask them for an autograph. My friend wanted their autographs too, but was also similarly neurotic. I can't remember if it was a slow build-up or a sudden decision, or whether I wanted to impress her, or whether I was even myself, but I walked right up to them and got their autographs for both of us.
I told her afterward that "I was always going to" but that was a lie. I think she knew; she knows me. But that old pessimistic view I had of "people don't change", I think, is wrong now. Other people can make you change. Whether it's a slow build-up or a sudden impulse I don't know. Whether I have to wait or not, I don't know. But I know I want to change.
'And I will never try
To forget your northern eyes.'
I was introduced to this song after I had moved away from Edmonton; it's lyrics and references have pointed a powerful beam of insight and nostalgia on my misgivings about moving away, when I have been imbibing a few too many libations and I listen to this song, it makes me swoon, it makes me wanna hop on the next greyhound for home, for, far too late did I discover, though the city has it's share of blemishes and downsides, it is, my home.
I was introduced to this song after I had moved away from Edmonton; it's lyrics and references have pointed a powerful beam of insight and nostalgia on my misgivings about moving away, when I have been imbibing a few too many libations and I listen to this song, it makes me swoon, it makes me wanna hop on the next greyhound for home, for, far too late did I discover, though the city has it's share of blemishes and downsides, it is, my home.
'What'll I do if you never find me again? Sittin' in a Province a million miles from my friends. What'll I do if you never want me again?'
Songs like this make me have doubts. Doubts about far-off things, like the person you're going to be when you're older, or the place you want to live in 10 years time. Could a thought really last so long? Surely it must fade out, surely the original feeling can be studied, questioned, doubted and exposed? Thrown out and replaced with a 'better' one.
Given enough time I think even the best idea can seem like a stupid one, or if rushed maybe the worst idea can turn out to be the best one. I don't know. I'm not a person who rushes into things; I analyze relentlessly, I doubt myself almost constantly and I don't think that's ever going to change. It comes down to a moment, or a feeling, or a person, who makes you say "fuck it", gives you the confidence to go through with your stupid pipe dreams, those ones you said "would be nice" but knew you'd never have the guts to do/go/leave/stay.
I had an experience last weekend that made me realise I wasn't confined to being I thought I was. I was in town with a girl the day after we saw Broken Social Scene in concert when we saw 3 of the band members walk into a coffee shop. Being a socially anxious person, I didn't have the confidence to walk up to these amazing people, these heroes of mine, and ask them for an autograph. My friend wanted their autographs too, but was also similarly neurotic. I can't remember if it was a slow build-up or a sudden decision, or whether I wanted to impress her, or whether I was even myself, but I walked right up to them and got their autographs for both of us.
I told her afterward that "I was always going to" but that was a lie. I think she knew; she knows me. But that old pessimistic view I had of "people don't change", I think, is wrong now. Other people can make you change. Whether it's a slow build-up or a sudden impulse I don't know. Whether I have to wait or not, I don't know. But I know I want to change.
'And I will never try To forget your northern eyes.'
I was introduced to this song after I had moved away from Edmonton; it's lyrics and references have pointed a powerful beam of insight and nostalgia on my misgivings about moving away, when I have been imbibing a few too many libations and I listen to this song, it makes me swoon, it makes me wanna hop on the next greyhound for home, for, far too late did I discover, though the city has it's share of blemishes and downsides, it is, my home.
I was introduced to this song after I had moved away from Edmonton; it's lyrics and references have pointed a powerful beam of insight and nostalgia on my misgivings about moving away, when I have been imbibing a few too many libations and I listen to this song, it makes me swoon, it makes me wanna hop on the next greyhound for home, for, far too late did I discover, though the city has it's share of blemishes and downsides, it is, my home.