I have spoken previously of my struggle in coming out from under the dark cloud of suicide. In the midst of that obsidian haze, even the most banal of everyday life becomes exceedingly difficult. It was a struggle to even get up in the morning. Numb is the only word I can use to describe it. I could go out, go to church or anything really but I felt nothing. Numb.
There was a particular night that I can recall. It was 4am and I was wide awake. All I could think about was downing a bottle of scotch, getting into the bath and opening my veins. I dont mean that it was a passing thought, my mind was under sustained assault. Life hurt, and at that moment it felt like the only way to stop life hurting was to end it. I tried to focus on something, anything else. I tried tv, dvds, playstation, anything. The only thing that managed to make me feel anything was this song. Its anger and finality were things I could feel, and I clung to it.
The lead singer of the band wrote this song after a dream one night. He dreamt that he was in a place crash on the ocean and he was the only survivor. All alone, about to drown, no hope of rescue, his reaction was to worship God. In that moment, his prayer became my prayer. I was drowning, and this song allowed me to worship God in the midst of death.
Bob Marley had his Redemption Song. This song was mine.
@elbeardo I remembered this song I yesterday. It was one of the many on my ipod in college.
@elbeardo I remembered this song I yesterday. It was one of the many on my ipod in college.
I just woke up at 6 AM the day after and looked it up - and then I read your comment. Thanks for sharing. I feel like God wants me to just say hello, and remind you that He loves you and everything will be fine. Have a great day my friend.
I just woke up at 6 AM the day after and looked it up - and then I read your comment. Thanks for sharing. I feel like God wants me to just say hello, and remind you that He loves you and everything will be fine. Have a great day my friend.
I have spoken previously of my struggle in coming out from under the dark cloud of suicide. In the midst of that obsidian haze, even the most banal of everyday life becomes exceedingly difficult. It was a struggle to even get up in the morning. Numb is the only word I can use to describe it. I could go out, go to church or anything really but I felt nothing. Numb.
There was a particular night that I can recall. It was 4am and I was wide awake. All I could think about was downing a bottle of scotch, getting into the bath and opening my veins. I dont mean that it was a passing thought, my mind was under sustained assault. Life hurt, and at that moment it felt like the only way to stop life hurting was to end it. I tried to focus on something, anything else. I tried tv, dvds, playstation, anything. The only thing that managed to make me feel anything was this song. Its anger and finality were things I could feel, and I clung to it.
The lead singer of the band wrote this song after a dream one night. He dreamt that he was in a place crash on the ocean and he was the only survivor. All alone, about to drown, no hope of rescue, his reaction was to worship God. In that moment, his prayer became my prayer. I was drowning, and this song allowed me to worship God in the midst of death.
Bob Marley had his Redemption Song. This song was mine.
@elbeardo I remembered this song I yesterday. It was one of the many on my ipod in college.
@elbeardo I remembered this song I yesterday. It was one of the many on my ipod in college.
I just woke up at 6 AM the day after and looked it up - and then I read your comment. Thanks for sharing. I feel like God wants me to just say hello, and remind you that He loves you and everything will be fine. Have a great day my friend.
I just woke up at 6 AM the day after and looked it up - and then I read your comment. Thanks for sharing. I feel like God wants me to just say hello, and remind you that He loves you and everything will be fine. Have a great day my friend.