The way I read this is as a struggle between two states within himself. He's feeling lost and clouded, imperfect and muddled, but he knows there's a shining, electric being inside of him. As he reaches out for it, he's ultimately unsuccessful and is being dragged back down into knowledge that he'll never be that perfect shining being, that he's boring and worthless just like everyone else.
The way I read this is as a struggle between two states within himself. He's feeling lost and clouded, imperfect and muddled, but he knows there's a shining, electric being inside of him. As he reaches out for it, he's ultimately unsuccessful and is being dragged back down into knowledge that he'll never be that perfect shining being, that he's boring and worthless just like everyone else.