I've been very fond of Neutral Milk Hotel for a few years now, but I had never gotten around to downloading their discography until a few days ago.
The first time I heard this song in its entirety (and really listened) was yesterday.
I think it was extremely (and hauntingly) appropriate for me to wait that long to hear this song.
Oddly, there had been a huge fire in my apartment building early yesterday. As I entertained the possibility of the fire reaching my apartment, I realized I probably wouldn't have left if it came to that (it didn't).
Oh and the lines about setting yourself on fire remind me of this really disturbing photographic documentary I saw recently. It showed a burn victim unit where Afghani women were recovering. The women had suffered sexual abuse so brutal that they collectively decided to burn themselves alive in order to free themselves from their husbands.
I like the lines about mass suicide. They remind me of the Jonestown massacre. "But don't take those pills your boyfriend gave you/
You're too wonderful to die " sounds like "Don't drink the kool-aid" to me. I don't know if my interpretation of that verse has anything to do with the song's intended meaning (probably not). But I understand the notion of wanting to end your life because you realize how the idea of sex as a manifestation of love (rather than a carnal ritual usually accompanied by excessive drinking/drug taking and a desire to release pent up frustration) is completely dead for most of humanity. Like the people who killed themselves at Jonestown, I realize so much of what I live by has been completely and irreversibly destroyed. I suppose sometimes that makes me feel a bit like dropping off a cliff.
"And the last one tore a picture
From the pornographic page
And all the pleasure points attacking
All the looks of love were staged
And it's a lie that you've been given
That just hurts you every day
So why should I lie here naked
When it's just too far away
From anything we could call loving
Any love worth living for
So I'll sleep out in the gutter
You can sleep here on the floor
And when I wake up in the morning
I won't forget to lock the door
Because with a match that's mean and some gasoline
You won't see me anymore"
This whole verse has a personal-mythology-type meaning for me that would be embarrassing (and take way too long) to explain here, but I find it eerie how perfectly these words describe an odd situation I got myself into.
Anyways last night I kind of came to the conclusion that sex has been ruined for me.
I can't enjoy it anymore, mainly because I was so young and jaded when I lost my virginity. I spent almost 3 years chasing after "hot" hook ups who ultimately destroyed my faith in love and my trust in people. I wish I had waited longer.
I've been very fond of Neutral Milk Hotel for a few years now, but I had never gotten around to downloading their discography until a few days ago.
The first time I heard this song in its entirety (and really listened) was yesterday. I think it was extremely (and hauntingly) appropriate for me to wait that long to hear this song.
Oddly, there had been a huge fire in my apartment building early yesterday. As I entertained the possibility of the fire reaching my apartment, I realized I probably wouldn't have left if it came to that (it didn't).
Oh and the lines about setting yourself on fire remind me of this really disturbing photographic documentary I saw recently. It showed a burn victim unit where Afghani women were recovering. The women had suffered sexual abuse so brutal that they collectively decided to burn themselves alive in order to free themselves from their husbands.
I like the lines about mass suicide. They remind me of the Jonestown massacre. "But don't take those pills your boyfriend gave you/ You're too wonderful to die " sounds like "Don't drink the kool-aid" to me. I don't know if my interpretation of that verse has anything to do with the song's intended meaning (probably not). But I understand the notion of wanting to end your life because you realize how the idea of sex as a manifestation of love (rather than a carnal ritual usually accompanied by excessive drinking/drug taking and a desire to release pent up frustration) is completely dead for most of humanity. Like the people who killed themselves at Jonestown, I realize so much of what I live by has been completely and irreversibly destroyed. I suppose sometimes that makes me feel a bit like dropping off a cliff.
"And the last one tore a picture From the pornographic page And all the pleasure points attacking All the looks of love were staged And it's a lie that you've been given That just hurts you every day So why should I lie here naked When it's just too far away From anything we could call loving Any love worth living for So I'll sleep out in the gutter You can sleep here on the floor And when I wake up in the morning I won't forget to lock the door Because with a match that's mean and some gasoline You won't see me anymore"
This whole verse has a personal-mythology-type meaning for me that would be embarrassing (and take way too long) to explain here, but I find it eerie how perfectly these words describe an odd situation I got myself into. Anyways last night I kind of came to the conclusion that sex has been ruined for me. I can't enjoy it anymore, mainly because I was so young and jaded when I lost my virginity. I spent almost 3 years chasing after "hot" hook ups who ultimately destroyed my faith in love and my trust in people. I wish I had waited longer.
Woah ramble.