In Retrospect, it was Obviously Hell

This song is titled "Introspect" on the final album. By the way, "introspect" is a verb meaning "to examine one's thoughts or feelings."

And I think this song is a reflection on one's feelings about another person and a situation they created from an intermingling of love and lust. It's interesting that this song follows "Blur," which is about "love and sin" - love and lust - and questioning a relationship's meaning. I think these two songs are tied together.

"Introspect" tells a story of someone (I assume it's the singer, because it is written in first person) sleeping (or engaging in sexual acts) with a former lover who took the singer's love and used it to satisfy sexual desire. The singer thought the acts were legitimate - after all, who wouldn't think it's right to engage in passionate encounters if you loved that person? - but the reality of this encounter is that it was built on the foundation of lust, not love. The singer seems to realize this reality, with the lyrics, "Heat of the moment, well this used to feel like home," "But I can tell when you're lying baby, your lips move again" and "The scars of my heart, they keep me, keep me in line"

Yet he is still enthralled somehow, wanting the relationship to be that of heaven, not hell. His attachment is shown with the lyrics, "These leftover feelings raise, raise from the dead" and "I may be lost here, here in your eyes." Maybe this lasting attachment is because he is too afraid to let the person go or he is too ashamed to fully admit to the sins he fell to - is falling to and for - and recognizing this would mean to break every attachment and live with that shame. He's not comfortable in his situation, but seems willing to keep it if that means he will not need to open his eyes to his sins and his hell. The singer is at a point where he knows their encounter and previous encounters were lustful, hollow, and meaningless - not because he had lustful intentions, but because the other did and always will. What he thought was heaven has crashed into hell. Was it ever heaven at all? I am convinced it was hell, and he knows it. The only thing hindering him now is his weariness and drunken state - "drunk" meaning high and muddled with ecstasy from these encounters and the false pleasure the other gives to him. He will have to overcome his tiredness and break from her enthralling aura.

I find many of Stephen Christian's songs about the "lines between love and sin" - about lust, temptation, love, confusion heaven and hell. Once a person knows of sexual encounters and participates in them, it's easy to get carried away in acting upon sexual pleasure and for sexual pleasure. The love can be lost, or in some cases it was never there from both people or one's intentions were purely for their own pleasure and benefit. This leaves the one who did love in doubt, wondering what the definition of what "heaven" (love) is and what the definition of "hell" (lust) is. If the singer was in hell, what is heaven? What are acts of love, and what are acts of lust? I think Stephen Christian explores this question and is trying to figure it out. It's difficult to live with yourself, knowing you may have sinned and knowing the love you thought was there was really just talks of "green grass" and lies.

All in all, this song gives me chills and unnerves my senses. It's such a compliment to "Blur" and messages in other Stephen Christian songs.