The State I Am In

In the song “The State I am in,” the music group Belle and Sebastian sing of a struggle against a nihilistic attitude towards the concept of love and commitment. Lead singer Stuart Murdoch uses a poppy melody and sardonic lyrics to paint a picture of someone attempting, unsuccessfully, to understand the values and institutions that surround love.

  The first verse of the song Stuart sings of a situation where his brother confesses he is gay on the day of his sisters wedding. Stuart notes that this announcement “takes the heat off me for awhile.” This “heat” he is speaking of is the pressure his family puts on him to find love and settle down. The relief he feels is at the expense of his brother. This leads to the unfortunate idea that while his family is celebrating love at his sisters wedding they are also being judgmental over his brothers love with a “sailor friend.”

  The second verse he sings of his blasé attitude towards the institution of marriage when he tells of marring a young girl to save her from being deported. While this act may seem kind, the second line eludes that she falls in love with him, and this moves him to kick the crutches from his crippled friend. This is an example of the struggle he carries with wanting to be a caring person and his inability to be the kind of person who can maintain friendships.

  The third verse Stuart mentions the relationship he has with a priest that has the ability to remember every confession he has ever made and has even written a book about them. This line in the  song signifies that the priest knows him better than anyone else and adds meaning to the pregnant pause that the priest gives after he gives himself to god. The pregnant pause is indicative of the priest thinking he was not capable of the love or the commitment necessary to give himself to god. Stuart is also mentioning here yet another institution he is struggling to understand and fully participate in. This is evident in the fourth verse  when he sings “I gave myself to sin, I gave myself to providence, and I've been there and back again.”

  In the fifth verse the conflict leads to a sense of desperation when he calls on a love to condescend to help him. He believes he is stupid and blind for not truly understanding what it takes to commit to an ideal. He begs to be led “to a living end,” and promises to to entertain his crippled friend as almost a bargain to a higher power. This bargain is yet another example of his inability to make a deeper connection with people as this promise is based on a superficial exchange of an act of kindness for a sense of enlightenment.