John, I'm Only Dancing

I came up with a theory about this song. Basically, it is about a guy who is running around at a party stealing people's coffee. The first verse details a time when he takes Annie out to breakfast in order to steal her coffee. When he takes a sip, he declares, "Joe is awful strong!" and is annoyed with what he feels to be a trick against him (ie the coffee is too strong for his tastes). Then we find him on the dance floor at John's party. He is dancing and simultaneously stealing the dancers' coffee (don't ask me why the partygoers are drinking coffee there, though. Maybe it's a special kind of party). John sees him stealing coffee and the guy declares that he is "only dancing." "You're everyone that ever cared" is the coffee stealer boldly telling John that it doesn't matter if he steals people's coffee; he'll do it whenever he pleases. The line "Dancing, won't someone dance with me?" is when the other dancers realize what the coffee-thief is doing and they all refuse to dance with him. He pleas for sympathy, but to no avail.

In fact, a couple months ago, I sent an email to David Bowie which was a line-by-line analyzation of the song that demonstrated the theory.