Steve Berman (Skit)

Marshall Mathers LP: ("what's the difference") E: heyyyy S: hey em, what's up E: steve berman what's going on man, how you doing? good to see you again, what's up S: em can you come in here and have a seat please E: yeah what's up S: vanessa, shut the door E: so what's up how is orders looking for the first week? S: it would be better if you gave me nothing at all. this album is less than nothing. i can't sell this fucking record. do you know what's happening to me out there? E: what's the problem? S: violet brown told me to go fuck myself E: who's violet-? S: tower records told me to shove this record up my ass. do you know what it feels like to be told to have a record shoved up your ass? E: well i mean- S: i'm going to lose my fucking job over this. do you know why dre's record was so sucessful? he's rapping about big screen tvs, blunts, 40's and bitches. your rapping about homosexuals and vicodine. E: i mean- S: now i can't sell this shit. either change the record or it's not come out. E: well i- S: now get the fuck out of my office. E: what am i suppose to- S: NOW! E: alright man

Devils Night: ("the way i am") E: hey steve, uh vanessa said you wanted to see me? S: marshall, i can call you marshall right? E: uh sure S: good sit the fuck down for a second E: okay S: do you just fucking hate me? E: hate you? S: what the fuck have i ever done to you. your last record, we got lucky. this d12 album is fucked. E: what's wrong with it? S: i don't want to rape my grandmother, i don't want to have sex with pitbulls, i wanna roll on dubs, i wanna throw bows, i wanna rock prada E: rock prada? S: and who the fuck is this bizarre guy? E: what do you mean? S: do you need a CAT scan? where the fuck did you find this guy E: i mean i've known him for like- S: this album is never coming out E: steve, you've only heard one song S: fuck you. get the fuck out of here. NOW! E: okay okay! shit!

The Eminem Show: ("it ain't nothing but music") E: This muthafucka man... S: It's ridiculous! I can't believe it!! Hold on a minute... Em... E: What up? S: Have a seat, Dre, I'll call you back E: What now??? S: I don't even know where to start E: Okay... S: I got the album from upstairs... E: And... S: And this is BY FAR, THE MOST,... [Gunshot] Incredible thing... I've ever... heard...

Relapse: ("old times sake") V: mr. berman S: what? V: we have eminem here to see you S: about fucking time. send him in E: steve, good to see you man! um hey i just- S: well, look who decided to show his face, i hope you've had fun these last four years E: look man, i appologize again for- S: for shooting me? do you know i lost the use of my right arm? E: again, it was a mistake, it was a terrible mis- are you wearing a bullet proof vest? S: and then you go and do what? hide out? stay in detroit for almost five years while the music industry melts the fuck down? do you know how many people lost their jobs because of your fucking vacation? E: well that's actually why i'm here i was going to put out some new music and i wanted to play it for you and get your opinion S: do i really need to hear it? let me guess, another album about poor me, i'm so famous it has ruined my rich little life and i'm such a tortured artist let me make music about it and my tragic love life. am i on to something here? E: come on man, it's not like that. it's- S: you know what? just hand the fucking thing over, i'm done talking to you. think you can just come and go as you please, big selfish superstar E: steve, i had a drug problem S: oh poor me, "i had a drug problem" who hasn't had a drug problem in this town? you know what? E: hey, hey! S: just lay the shit down on my desk and get the fuck out! E: hey hey hey whoah woah woah jesus christ man, alright alright here, fine S: what's this shit? TWO cds? E: it's what i've been trying to tell you man, it's two albums S: just get out E: alright S: get the fuck out E: alright sorry man see you later