Revelry

I heard this song for the first time a few weeks ago. This song perfectly describes where I'm at in life right now. My boyfriend and I, or I guess ex-boyfriend now, were together for years and though we had our ups and downs I know we truly loved each other. We broke up right before Christmas due to my hard partying and other problems that had been going on for a while with both of us. We still continued on as though we were still in a relationship without the actual commitment and a couple weeks ago he told me he missed me and wanted to start over, to get back together. I said I couldn't be with him anymore and essentially cut off communication with him.

I thought I was doing the right thing, I didn't want to hurt him anymore and I didn't think I was strong enough or maybe wanted enough to change my lifestyle. I miss him every day and I know I'll never truly stop loving him. At first, I felt relieved and free without him, but as time goes on I miss him more and more and I'm starting to think maybe I made a big mistake.

This song is about a guy who was in a relationship with a really great girl and he tried to be the "nice, good guy" she deserved and wanted and knew he could be. But for one reason or another he didn't think he could live up to the responsibilities of being in a committed, loving relationship, he made selfish choices and hurt her. So basically as a result of his lifestyle choices, i.e. partying, he lost her.

This song is about the aftermath of the aftermath of the ending of a relationship with someone you truly loved. What you go through when you start to realize and admit to yourself after a period of self-denial that you made a big mistake and lost the most important person in your life as a result of your own immaturity and issues. He knows it was his fault and when he thinks about her he realizes how much he loved and still loves her, but it's too excruciating to face the reality and the pain of losing his lover so he tries to hold onto the "revelry" he has been trying to escape within for as long as he's been broken up with her.

But in the end, in the last verse he finally realizes he can't run from reality and his pain and he talks about the loneliness and sadness and regret he feels now that it's over. He thought ending things would be for the best for both of them, and at first he enjoyed being single and having fun, but gradually he realized this new life full of revelry was unsatisfying and left him empty.

Sad, beautiful song. If you've ever been truly in love and you know it ended because you screwed it up, this song is exactly how you feel when it's over.