Lyric discussion by chairmanroflmao 

Cover art for The Beat lyrics by Elvis Costello

Another one of Costello's love-as-police-state songs (cf "Two Little Hitlers" off Armed Forces, which was originally called Emotional Fascism). Full of military puns (The masterful police/masturbation reference of the title, "victim", "vigilantes", "confuse the enemy", and the aforementioned "standard leader"). "never played with your toy" is another masturbation reference, and "Oh, I don't want to disease you, but I'm no good with machinery" is possibly about condoms? It's hard to tell.