Whereas I see the whole 'afraid of romantic commitment' as a definite underlying meaning, I feel that the more obvious meaning she wants you to see is suicide. Amanda likes to make ambiguous songs, with obvious meanings and then underlying ones. As many of you have already pointed out, the underlying meaning to this one is probably Amanda's fear of letting herself fall in love. This is obvious in lines like: “I tried to fall in it again”, “I want my chest pressed to your chest, my nervous systems interfere”, “I'm not as callous as you think, I barely breath when you are near”, and “Can't we just wait together”. She is obviously afraid of getting hurt. She wants to be with someone, but ‘her nervous systems interfere’. In other words, her past failures keep her from putting herself out there. Her friends no longer try to get her to open up, because they know it’s pointless. She comforts herself with cigarettes and alcohol, even though she knows she is better off without them. She also argues that she has plenty of time left to find someone, so it’s okay if she just waits ‘another year’. The only problem with that is that one year tends to turn itself into many.
The more obvious meaning, however, is about someone who keeps putting off killing themselves. Secretly they hope that their life will magically get better and the won't have to do it. Personally, I like the 2004 version a bit better because it leans more heavily towards this interpretation. In the 2004 version she says, "I'll find a coward just like me and we'll help each other disappear". This could be like a suicide pact. Sometimes people don't have the nerve to kill themselves alone, so they find someone to make 'pact' with so they are less likely to chicken out. Also, "a few more fake surrenders" seems like a reference to failed suicide attempts, like slitting your wrists or ODing on Tylenol. You know that probably isn't going to work, but you fool yourself into thinking that it will because you don't want to actually do something that has a guarantee fatality, because you don't REALLY want to die. One of the lines she replaces these lines with, "I'm getting smaller by degrees", also seems to be about suicide in that she feels herself slowly drifting away from her life and getting closer to death. As LadyGrey88 already pointed out, "My friends took bets and disappeared, they mime their sighing violins" is talking about how her friends mock her for her depression and suicidal tendencies. They take bets on how long it will take her to kill herself, or possibly when she'll give up the act and take back her life. I feel the first line, "I tried to fall in it again", could be a reference to an attempted suicide by drowning, but is more likely about her falling back into old habits of drinking or depression. "The winter makes things hard enough", is probably a nod to how a lot of people to kill themselves during the winter, because it tends to brings on depression. Runs in the Family also references this in the line, "My friend has problems with winter and autumn". She rationalizes that she has plenty of time left to kill herself and there is no big rush, so she just smokes and drinks her time away instead of getting up and doing something to better her life. The Point of it All also seems to reflect this theme of willing stagnation, whether in love, life, or death.
Whereas I see the whole 'afraid of romantic commitment' as a definite underlying meaning, I feel that the more obvious meaning she wants you to see is suicide. Amanda likes to make ambiguous songs, with obvious meanings and then underlying ones. As many of you have already pointed out, the underlying meaning to this one is probably Amanda's fear of letting herself fall in love. This is obvious in lines like: “I tried to fall in it again”, “I want my chest pressed to your chest, my nervous systems interfere”, “I'm not as callous as you think, I barely breath when you are near”, and “Can't we just wait together”. She is obviously afraid of getting hurt. She wants to be with someone, but ‘her nervous systems interfere’. In other words, her past failures keep her from putting herself out there. Her friends no longer try to get her to open up, because they know it’s pointless. She comforts herself with cigarettes and alcohol, even though she knows she is better off without them. She also argues that she has plenty of time left to find someone, so it’s okay if she just waits ‘another year’. The only problem with that is that one year tends to turn itself into many.
The more obvious meaning, however, is about someone who keeps putting off killing themselves. Secretly they hope that their life will magically get better and the won't have to do it. Personally, I like the 2004 version a bit better because it leans more heavily towards this interpretation. In the 2004 version she says, "I'll find a coward just like me and we'll help each other disappear". This could be like a suicide pact. Sometimes people don't have the nerve to kill themselves alone, so they find someone to make 'pact' with so they are less likely to chicken out. Also, "a few more fake surrenders" seems like a reference to failed suicide attempts, like slitting your wrists or ODing on Tylenol. You know that probably isn't going to work, but you fool yourself into thinking that it will because you don't want to actually do something that has a guarantee fatality, because you don't REALLY want to die. One of the lines she replaces these lines with, "I'm getting smaller by degrees", also seems to be about suicide in that she feels herself slowly drifting away from her life and getting closer to death. As LadyGrey88 already pointed out, "My friends took bets and disappeared, they mime their sighing violins" is talking about how her friends mock her for her depression and suicidal tendencies. They take bets on how long it will take her to kill herself, or possibly when she'll give up the act and take back her life. I feel the first line, "I tried to fall in it again", could be a reference to an attempted suicide by drowning, but is more likely about her falling back into old habits of drinking or depression. "The winter makes things hard enough", is probably a nod to how a lot of people to kill themselves during the winter, because it tends to brings on depression. Runs in the Family also references this in the line, "My friend has problems with winter and autumn". She rationalizes that she has plenty of time left to kill herself and there is no big rush, so she just smokes and drinks her time away instead of getting up and doing something to better her life. The Point of it All also seems to reflect this theme of willing stagnation, whether in love, life, or death.