Lyric discussion by ap0theosize 

Cover art for Ottoman lyrics by Vampire Weekend

here's what i get:

ottoman couch, how handsome your furniture love you now but dressed for a funeral begging you to sit for a portrait on the wall to hang in the dark of some parliamentary hall

elegant clothes, you want to be seen with her under your tweeds you sweat like a teenager begging you to sit for a portrait on the wall to hang in the dark of some parliamentary hall

today's for you they laid it out for you there will be six bells a-ringing and white women singing for you, but this feels so unnatural to peter gabriel too

all of the cards and all of the time it took soon it's all lines of red in a leather book begging you to wait for a minute by the door your creeping feet where they've never been before

today's for you they laid it out for you there will be six bells a-ringing and white women singing for you but this feels so unnatural to peter gabriel too

how great is that line, 'you sweat like a teenager' !!?? i think this is about the same thing as c.c.k.k. she's rich and he's not and he feels intimidated by this fact, and it dooms their relationship.

My interpretation seems that this is about death. A funeral, which they stated. The portrait in the hall... That would be the deceased person. Today is for the person who died. "The laid it out for you" being laid out is being killed, but in this sense it means death. The women and bells ringing, could be the choir or it could be angels. The cards and the time it took... Hallmark makes grief cards. I think sweating like a teenager is because this is the song writers first experience with death, someone he was close to is gone,...

"a portrait on the wall" reflects that the pending marriage will affix their lives permanently (i.e. paintings don’t change their depictions)

In the phrase "they laid it out for you", the key word is "they". This marriage is arranged or heavily promoted. The union is not the choice of those to be married.

The "soon it's all lines of red in a leather book" phrase implies when the event is over. All the family that pushed the marriage are gone, attentions turned elsewhere, these kids are on their own, left only with...

Also, the funeral is not literal. the lyric is simply implying that the pending marraige is bound for failure. They feel like it is the end of thier life-options. Ironically everyone at the wedding event is dresssed up - much like a funeral event.

how is this not obvious?

is anyone divorced here? Perhaps it is a life-experience issue.