Another Radio Song is about the possibility of Redemption from a life of negligence, vain pleasure seeking, and sin. To accept my interpretation you need to consider the record as a whole. Another Radio Song is the results of the preceding tracks culminating in a single night of grief, regret, and guilt. Lets take the song on piece at a time.
"Sit back, no song is written,
it's nothing you thought of yourself.
It's just a ghost
that came unbidden
to this house."
The first passage introduces a dark night of the soul for Black Sheep Boy. The "ghost that came unbidden" is his conscience pressing its way to the surface of his mind and is clear not something he intended.
"This infection gets stronger every year.
This seed in the water of your tear.
There is no escaping it."
The "infection [that] gets stronger every year" is the guilty conscience he can no longer ignore and the "seed in the water of ...[his] tear" is the possibility of redemption.
"This seed in the water of your tear.
The way an unborn baby's ear
unfolds in your belly."
The unfolding of "an unborn baby's ear" is the awakening of new understanding and the infancy of Black Sheep Boy's awareness of the harm he has caused himself and others.
"This infection gets stronger every year,
this direction of a tear going down your cheek.
And there is no escaping it.
There is no escaping the thing that is making it's home in your radio."
The radio is Black Sheep Boy's thoughts and "the thing that is making it's home" in his mind is the new found awareness he can no longer escape.
"Bless this tiny alley"
The "tiny alley" is the trail of the tear on Black Sheep Boy's cheek which he chooses to "bless" so he can experience the feelings he has been repressing for so long.
"we have fallen from tall buildings
we have fallen through the air"
Falling is a metaphorical representation of Black Sheep Boy's life illustrating his lack of refuge, lack of solid ground to stand on, and lack of control. Surely the lines are also meant to convey a sense of terror.
"into a garden sweetly smelling
of the softest sleeping flowers"
You cannot help but notice the alliteration in these lines, especially when you see them written out. These two line represent Black Sheep Boy's sense of refuge and a coming to grips with terror he experiences when he reflects on the course of his life.
"now they sit under the sidewalk
now they're waiting for the shining
of some future sun to show us
all that is your beauty"
Of course, the Black Sheep Boy has not earned his refuge yet. The seeds of his salvation are "waiting for the shining of some future sun" that can reveal his true potential.
"oh, and all that brings you pleasure
I could sigh into your hide
and say I hope I'm here forever"
In this song it is important to notice the way the words "I", "you", and "us" are used so interchangeably. Best I can tell the various subject nouns are used to represent different forces at work within the Black Sheep Boy's mind. He'd very much like to stay with his escapist pleasure but he knows he cannot.
"but black sheep boy
with your lovers
with your list of favorite pillows
with your list of missing children"
The song is slowly but steadily building momentum effectively illustrating the increasing intensity of Black Sheep Boy's memories and experience. "Favorite pillows" is a metaphor for sources of comfort. "Missing children" is, I suspect, a metaphor for excuses, though I am not entirely certain.
"with the wall where you drew windows
overlooking hidden gardens"
These lines are a metaphor for the life of drug use, infidelity, and self-indulgence he imagined would lead to something real and worthy, but ultimately did not.
"cut apart by jagged mountains
climbing up into the air
and crumbling down into a fountain
where the water waits forever
like a quiet distant treasure"
The mountains in the garden he imagines are a representation of the difficulty and sorrow he created for himself. The Fountain and the water are symbolic of his tears, the "quiet distant treasure" he is seeking to over come his pain.
"when you rise up to recover
when you leave this tiny alley"
Sooner or later Black Sheep Boy's period of reflection will come to an end and he will have to get back to his life.
"when you meet me in the garden
with your horns all hung with cedar
every spirit brushing past me
brushing past them in the ether"
Notice again the skillful exchange of subject nouns. "When you [Black Sheep Boy] meet me [your honest and redeemed self] in the garden with you horns all hung with cedar [unnecessary decoration indicating pride and vanity]"
The exchange of subject nouns in the last two lines is exceptional in its quality. "Brushing past me brushing past them." The effect created is a sense that one part of Black Sheep Boy's mind, the part that is experiencing the events in the songs, becomes another, the part narrating and leading the events in the song. The transition marks the end of a period of self-observation and is an extraordinary use of the written word.
"scream all this is window dressing
all you are is flimsy curtains"
These lines form the crux of Black Sheep Boy's realization as he sees his entire life thus far has been a meaningless waste of time. His life is nothing but a worthless decoration around an imaginary world.
"watch you flame up with a word from us
and won't know that you're burning"
The "us", I suspect, are those parts of himself that see the truth now and can have some compassion for the parts of himself that do not and continue to unknowingly burn away in a meaningless existence.
"burning
burning"
Drives the point home.
"No escaping the thing that is making its home on your radio
No escaping the thing that is making its home on your radio"
Reinforces the main theme of not only the song but the album itself: the waking up to the pointlessness of self-indulgence. Indeed, Black Sheep Boy is so self referential and replete with recurring themes and metaphors it is difficult to conduct an exposition of any one song without considering the rest of the album. I am quite certain a devoted writer could find enough relevant material to dedicate an entire chapter of a book to the content of this album.
I am very interested in reading what others think about the song, especially those who either think I am incorrect in part, on the whole, or simply take something completely different from the song than I do.
I think P to the G nailed it. I have one exception. I think the unborn baby is at least symbolically if not specifically referring to babies that BSB has fathered and left behind. I think that deadbeat fathers abandoning kids is one of the repeating themes of the album. See "Black" which (although some think sexual abuse) I think is about a father that abandoned the protagonist of the song. The father may or may not be BSB.
I think P to the G nailed it. I have one exception. I think the unborn baby is at least symbolically if not specifically referring to babies that BSB has fathered and left behind. I think that deadbeat fathers abandoning kids is one of the repeating themes of the album. See "Black" which (although some think sexual abuse) I think is about a father that abandoned the protagonist of the song. The father may or may not be BSB.
I would like to offer "list of missing children" as literal though.
His favorite pillows. A .. monster..
Children have been at risk on the album before, "kids get lost.. lambs out wandering.. bigger.. blacker things come calling."
I would like to offer "list of missing children" as literal though.
His favorite pillows. A .. monster..
Children have been at risk on the album before, "kids get lost.. lambs out wandering.. bigger.. blacker things come calling."
With the walls where you drew windows.
Horrifying, but I take the entire song pretty literally.
With the walls where you drew windows.
Horrifying, but I take the entire song pretty literally.
@P to the G you get me. @andrew1133 does not. the "list of favourite pillows" finally makes sense to me with your help. i have lived a life of constantly seeking shallow comforts to cope with an overwhelming pain that i could not bear to confront. with a few relatively minor exceptions i have not deliberately caused suffering to others in this life. i would not allow myself to. consciously i wanted to encourage people to get along and feel better about themselves, although i reacted to the systems and "machines" that i got increasingly paranoid about and probably made...
@P to the G you get me. @andrew1133 does not. the "list of favourite pillows" finally makes sense to me with your help. i have lived a life of constantly seeking shallow comforts to cope with an overwhelming pain that i could not bear to confront. with a few relatively minor exceptions i have not deliberately caused suffering to others in this life. i would not allow myself to. consciously i wanted to encourage people to get along and feel better about themselves, although i reacted to the systems and "machines" that i got increasingly paranoid about and probably made other people paranoid in the process. the "missing children" were not real, but imagined, representations of what happened to me as a child, the "monster" being my internalisation of that treatment which i repressed until it became an entity of its own that would emerge from time to time only in imagination to torment me and my trapped inner child, whilst finding slight channels to the outside world in slips that i did not understand but annoyed the hell out of other people, patterns of self-sabotage and even causing my body to do pointless things like putting things in places i would never find them then forgetting (which triggered meltdowns and sabotaged me further, while drawing out the wrong inner reactions to suffering and injustice). this all prevented me from growing up, and excuses fits in with the metaphor as well. my conscience has indeed awakened in exactly the way you describe, after years of building up an imaginary world to make sense of /escape from a world that i was completely unable to understand as i could not sense anyone's intentions and trusted anybody who showed me even a morsel of approval. i have taken so much and given little in return (although was not cruel and reached out to / comforted those lonely, bullied souls who couldn't hide themselves). i have written many songs that could be described as a "black diapason", though there are others which are more like a call for the emergence of honesty and love. the "moonlight wisteria" is a Powerful line for me, because my love for people always came from a distant place that only a few could recognise, while most were just put off when they saw me pouring out negativity - grown out of utter emotional/spiritual isolation and pain - with no filter (as i only ever wanted / was able to express my true feelings, i had no perception of the phenomenon of psychological deception). as soon as i became aware of this phenomenon, i had a severe psychotic break, went conspiracy-nuts and - in hospital - was immediately surrounded by individuals who played terrifying mind games with me to make this paranoia worse (i'm sure they had their reasons). this put me on an incredibly unstable path that made me believe i was the only one who understood, uninformed though i was, and i felt it necessary to warn the world, causing harm in the process though i didn't recognise it. i became more and more impulsive and less and less thoughtful towards those around me, eventually i went full blown schizophrenic and couldn't trust anybody. then, eventually, i came to accept the concept of karma/reincarnation, and i realised that there must be a purpose to all of this that i could not accept. i do not remember my past life, and i have never identified with the sort of thing that this album (and others) is perhaps suggesting it entailed. i am Not a "monster". i'm just a lonely, abused, misunderstood and alienated boy who could never accept himself or the world into which he was born. i did have a darkness in me, but i have been fighting against it all my life. please recognise that andrew, and don't be so quick to judge those you do not understand, remember the "For Real" video? i'm the little boy that's trapped in that thing! i'm pretty sure the "burning" part is literal, and i obviously don't look forward to it. but i'm still here, and will be until it materialises. who knows? maybe it simply is a metaphor for the beautiful parts of me overcoming the confused parts that are ensnared in self-involved cycles of thought. i'd like to think that's true, but i'm not getting my hopes up. your interpretation of "bless this tiny alley" is so beautiful to me. my suffering is - though very present in forms i can tolerate - seriously repressed, tears come rarely and either come out of nowhere, are brought out by recognition of other people's sadness or are triggered by certain pieces of music (Robert Wyatt's "Alifib/Alifie", Joanna Newsom's "Sawdust & Diamonds" and OR's "A Stone", to name a few). hopefully there will be a time when i can just it all come out, and i can finally start healing, no matter how painful the process is.
"golden curls of envied hair." i had blonde curls when i was a toddler, my brother was jealous.
"head hanging with horns from your father." my father was incredibly unwell and took his life when i was 8, after weeks of - apparently - spending time in a room with me alone while my brother was distracted with the computer downstairs, supposedly saying and doing very disturbing things (it was gathered from the things i said afterwards). i have an image of his face, i do not remember what he said/did.
i am the Black Sheep Boy and (though i am/have a Lunar Tic(k)) i am Not afraid of the sun anymore. make of that what you will, help me understand it even because i certainly don't. hate me if you want. i have nothing but love for you.
@andrew1133 feel free to contact me at edenwylie27@gmail.com
even if it's just to hurl abuse, i won't fight against it. i just want to understand. ask any question you want and i will answer honestly.
@andrew1133 feel free to contact me at edenwylie27@gmail.com
even if it's just to hurl abuse, i won't fight against it. i just want to understand. ask any question you want and i will answer honestly.
@P to the G @andrew1133 then again, "blue-white charmer" doesn't really fit the bill with me, like some other aspects of the story. I have never been a charmer. I have always been entirely unable to charm anyone. I gave my emotional state and thoughts about others away, trusting others and expecting them to be as open as I was, absorbing what other people said to or about me with no awareness of their intentions.
@P to the G @andrew1133 then again, "blue-white charmer" doesn't really fit the bill with me, like some other aspects of the story. I have never been a charmer. I have always been entirely unable to charm anyone. I gave my emotional state and thoughts about others away, trusting others and expecting them to be as open as I was, absorbing what other people said to or about me with no awareness of their intentions.
@P to the G @andrew1133 then again, "blue-white charmer" doesn't really fit the bill with me, like some other aspects of the story. I have never been a charmer. I have always been entirely unable to charm anyone. I gave my emotional state and thoughts about others away, trusting others and expecting them to be as open as I was, absorbing what other people said to or about me with no awareness of their intentions.
@P to the G @andrew1133 then again, "blue-white charmer" doesn't really fit the bill with me, like some other aspects of the story. I have never been a charmer. I have always been entirely unable to charm anyone. I gave my emotional state and thoughts about others away, trusting others and expecting them to be as open as I was, absorbing what other people said to or about me with no awareness of their intentions.
Another Radio Song is about the possibility of Redemption from a life of negligence, vain pleasure seeking, and sin. To accept my interpretation you need to consider the record as a whole. Another Radio Song is the results of the preceding tracks culminating in a single night of grief, regret, and guilt. Lets take the song on piece at a time.
"Sit back, no song is written, it's nothing you thought of yourself. It's just a ghost that came unbidden to this house."
The first passage introduces a dark night of the soul for Black Sheep Boy. The "ghost that came unbidden" is his conscience pressing its way to the surface of his mind and is clear not something he intended.
"This infection gets stronger every year. This seed in the water of your tear. There is no escaping it."
The "infection [that] gets stronger every year" is the guilty conscience he can no longer ignore and the "seed in the water of ...[his] tear" is the possibility of redemption.
"This seed in the water of your tear. The way an unborn baby's ear unfolds in your belly."
The unfolding of "an unborn baby's ear" is the awakening of new understanding and the infancy of Black Sheep Boy's awareness of the harm he has caused himself and others.
"This infection gets stronger every year, this direction of a tear going down your cheek. And there is no escaping it. There is no escaping the thing that is making it's home in your radio."
The radio is Black Sheep Boy's thoughts and "the thing that is making it's home" in his mind is the new found awareness he can no longer escape.
"Bless this tiny alley"
The "tiny alley" is the trail of the tear on Black Sheep Boy's cheek which he chooses to "bless" so he can experience the feelings he has been repressing for so long.
"we have fallen from tall buildings we have fallen through the air"
Falling is a metaphorical representation of Black Sheep Boy's life illustrating his lack of refuge, lack of solid ground to stand on, and lack of control. Surely the lines are also meant to convey a sense of terror.
"into a garden sweetly smelling of the softest sleeping flowers"
You cannot help but notice the alliteration in these lines, especially when you see them written out. These two line represent Black Sheep Boy's sense of refuge and a coming to grips with terror he experiences when he reflects on the course of his life.
"now they sit under the sidewalk now they're waiting for the shining of some future sun to show us all that is your beauty"
Of course, the Black Sheep Boy has not earned his refuge yet. The seeds of his salvation are "waiting for the shining of some future sun" that can reveal his true potential.
"oh, and all that brings you pleasure I could sigh into your hide and say I hope I'm here forever"
In this song it is important to notice the way the words "I", "you", and "us" are used so interchangeably. Best I can tell the various subject nouns are used to represent different forces at work within the Black Sheep Boy's mind. He'd very much like to stay with his escapist pleasure but he knows he cannot.
"but black sheep boy with your lovers with your list of favorite pillows with your list of missing children"
The song is slowly but steadily building momentum effectively illustrating the increasing intensity of Black Sheep Boy's memories and experience. "Favorite pillows" is a metaphor for sources of comfort. "Missing children" is, I suspect, a metaphor for excuses, though I am not entirely certain.
"with the wall where you drew windows overlooking hidden gardens"
These lines are a metaphor for the life of drug use, infidelity, and self-indulgence he imagined would lead to something real and worthy, but ultimately did not.
"cut apart by jagged mountains climbing up into the air and crumbling down into a fountain where the water waits forever like a quiet distant treasure"
The mountains in the garden he imagines are a representation of the difficulty and sorrow he created for himself. The Fountain and the water are symbolic of his tears, the "quiet distant treasure" he is seeking to over come his pain.
"when you rise up to recover when you leave this tiny alley"
Sooner or later Black Sheep Boy's period of reflection will come to an end and he will have to get back to his life.
"when you meet me in the garden with your horns all hung with cedar every spirit brushing past me brushing past them in the ether"
Notice again the skillful exchange of subject nouns. "When you [Black Sheep Boy] meet me [your honest and redeemed self] in the garden with you horns all hung with cedar [unnecessary decoration indicating pride and vanity]"
The exchange of subject nouns in the last two lines is exceptional in its quality. "Brushing past me brushing past them." The effect created is a sense that one part of Black Sheep Boy's mind, the part that is experiencing the events in the songs, becomes another, the part narrating and leading the events in the song. The transition marks the end of a period of self-observation and is an extraordinary use of the written word.
"scream all this is window dressing all you are is flimsy curtains"
These lines form the crux of Black Sheep Boy's realization as he sees his entire life thus far has been a meaningless waste of time. His life is nothing but a worthless decoration around an imaginary world.
"watch you flame up with a word from us and won't know that you're burning"
The "us", I suspect, are those parts of himself that see the truth now and can have some compassion for the parts of himself that do not and continue to unknowingly burn away in a meaningless existence.
"burning burning"
Drives the point home.
"No escaping the thing that is making its home on your radio No escaping the thing that is making its home on your radio"
Reinforces the main theme of not only the song but the album itself: the waking up to the pointlessness of self-indulgence. Indeed, Black Sheep Boy is so self referential and replete with recurring themes and metaphors it is difficult to conduct an exposition of any one song without considering the rest of the album. I am quite certain a devoted writer could find enough relevant material to dedicate an entire chapter of a book to the content of this album.
I am very interested in reading what others think about the song, especially those who either think I am incorrect in part, on the whole, or simply take something completely different from the song than I do.
I think P to the G nailed it. I have one exception. I think the unborn baby is at least symbolically if not specifically referring to babies that BSB has fathered and left behind. I think that deadbeat fathers abandoning kids is one of the repeating themes of the album. See "Black" which (although some think sexual abuse) I think is about a father that abandoned the protagonist of the song. The father may or may not be BSB.
I think P to the G nailed it. I have one exception. I think the unborn baby is at least symbolically if not specifically referring to babies that BSB has fathered and left behind. I think that deadbeat fathers abandoning kids is one of the repeating themes of the album. See "Black" which (although some think sexual abuse) I think is about a father that abandoned the protagonist of the song. The father may or may not be BSB.
@P to the G awesome
@P to the G awesome
"The infancy of (his) awareness" awesome
"The infancy of (his) awareness" awesome
I would like to offer "list of missing children" as literal though. His favorite pillows. A .. monster.. Children have been at risk on the album before, "kids get lost.. lambs out wandering.. bigger.. blacker things come calling."
I would like to offer "list of missing children" as literal though. His favorite pillows. A .. monster.. Children have been at risk on the album before, "kids get lost.. lambs out wandering.. bigger.. blacker things come calling."
With the walls where you drew windows. Horrifying, but I take the entire song pretty literally.
With the walls where you drew windows. Horrifying, but I take the entire song pretty literally.
@P to the G you get me. @andrew1133 does not. the "list of favourite pillows" finally makes sense to me with your help. i have lived a life of constantly seeking shallow comforts to cope with an overwhelming pain that i could not bear to confront. with a few relatively minor exceptions i have not deliberately caused suffering to others in this life. i would not allow myself to. consciously i wanted to encourage people to get along and feel better about themselves, although i reacted to the systems and "machines" that i got increasingly paranoid about and probably made...
@P to the G you get me. @andrew1133 does not. the "list of favourite pillows" finally makes sense to me with your help. i have lived a life of constantly seeking shallow comforts to cope with an overwhelming pain that i could not bear to confront. with a few relatively minor exceptions i have not deliberately caused suffering to others in this life. i would not allow myself to. consciously i wanted to encourage people to get along and feel better about themselves, although i reacted to the systems and "machines" that i got increasingly paranoid about and probably made other people paranoid in the process. the "missing children" were not real, but imagined, representations of what happened to me as a child, the "monster" being my internalisation of that treatment which i repressed until it became an entity of its own that would emerge from time to time only in imagination to torment me and my trapped inner child, whilst finding slight channels to the outside world in slips that i did not understand but annoyed the hell out of other people, patterns of self-sabotage and even causing my body to do pointless things like putting things in places i would never find them then forgetting (which triggered meltdowns and sabotaged me further, while drawing out the wrong inner reactions to suffering and injustice). this all prevented me from growing up, and excuses fits in with the metaphor as well. my conscience has indeed awakened in exactly the way you describe, after years of building up an imaginary world to make sense of /escape from a world that i was completely unable to understand as i could not sense anyone's intentions and trusted anybody who showed me even a morsel of approval. i have taken so much and given little in return (although was not cruel and reached out to / comforted those lonely, bullied souls who couldn't hide themselves). i have written many songs that could be described as a "black diapason", though there are others which are more like a call for the emergence of honesty and love. the "moonlight wisteria" is a Powerful line for me, because my love for people always came from a distant place that only a few could recognise, while most were just put off when they saw me pouring out negativity - grown out of utter emotional/spiritual isolation and pain - with no filter (as i only ever wanted / was able to express my true feelings, i had no perception of the phenomenon of psychological deception). as soon as i became aware of this phenomenon, i had a severe psychotic break, went conspiracy-nuts and - in hospital - was immediately surrounded by individuals who played terrifying mind games with me to make this paranoia worse (i'm sure they had their reasons). this put me on an incredibly unstable path that made me believe i was the only one who understood, uninformed though i was, and i felt it necessary to warn the world, causing harm in the process though i didn't recognise it. i became more and more impulsive and less and less thoughtful towards those around me, eventually i went full blown schizophrenic and couldn't trust anybody. then, eventually, i came to accept the concept of karma/reincarnation, and i realised that there must be a purpose to all of this that i could not accept. i do not remember my past life, and i have never identified with the sort of thing that this album (and others) is perhaps suggesting it entailed. i am Not a "monster". i'm just a lonely, abused, misunderstood and alienated boy who could never accept himself or the world into which he was born. i did have a darkness in me, but i have been fighting against it all my life. please recognise that andrew, and don't be so quick to judge those you do not understand, remember the "For Real" video? i'm the little boy that's trapped in that thing! i'm pretty sure the "burning" part is literal, and i obviously don't look forward to it. but i'm still here, and will be until it materialises. who knows? maybe it simply is a metaphor for the beautiful parts of me overcoming the confused parts that are ensnared in self-involved cycles of thought. i'd like to think that's true, but i'm not getting my hopes up. your interpretation of "bless this tiny alley" is so beautiful to me. my suffering is - though very present in forms i can tolerate - seriously repressed, tears come rarely and either come out of nowhere, are brought out by recognition of other people's sadness or are triggered by certain pieces of music (Robert Wyatt's "Alifib/Alifie", Joanna Newsom's "Sawdust & Diamonds" and OR's "A Stone", to name a few). hopefully there will be a time when i can just it all come out, and i can finally start healing, no matter how painful the process is. "golden curls of envied hair." i had blonde curls when i was a toddler, my brother was jealous. "head hanging with horns from your father." my father was incredibly unwell and took his life when i was 8, after weeks of - apparently - spending time in a room with me alone while my brother was distracted with the computer downstairs, supposedly saying and doing very disturbing things (it was gathered from the things i said afterwards). i have an image of his face, i do not remember what he said/did. i am the Black Sheep Boy and (though i am/have a Lunar Tic(k)) i am Not afraid of the sun anymore. make of that what you will, help me understand it even because i certainly don't. hate me if you want. i have nothing but love for you.
@andrew1133 feel free to contact me at edenwylie27@gmail.com even if it's just to hurl abuse, i won't fight against it. i just want to understand. ask any question you want and i will answer honestly.
@andrew1133 feel free to contact me at edenwylie27@gmail.com even if it's just to hurl abuse, i won't fight against it. i just want to understand. ask any question you want and i will answer honestly.
@P to the G @andrew1133 There is only now. There isn't then. So just breathe it in.
@P to the G @andrew1133 There is only now. There isn't then. So just breathe it in.
@P to the G @andrew1133 then again, "blue-white charmer" doesn't really fit the bill with me, like some other aspects of the story. I have never been a charmer. I have always been entirely unable to charm anyone. I gave my emotional state and thoughts about others away, trusting others and expecting them to be as open as I was, absorbing what other people said to or about me with no awareness of their intentions.
@P to the G @andrew1133 then again, "blue-white charmer" doesn't really fit the bill with me, like some other aspects of the story. I have never been a charmer. I have always been entirely unable to charm anyone. I gave my emotional state and thoughts about others away, trusting others and expecting them to be as open as I was, absorbing what other people said to or about me with no awareness of their intentions.
@P to the G @andrew1133 then again, "blue-white charmer" doesn't really fit the bill with me, like some other aspects of the story. I have never been a charmer. I have always been entirely unable to charm anyone. I gave my emotional state and thoughts about others away, trusting others and expecting them to be as open as I was, absorbing what other people said to or about me with no awareness of their intentions.
@P to the G @andrew1133 then again, "blue-white charmer" doesn't really fit the bill with me, like some other aspects of the story. I have never been a charmer. I have always been entirely unable to charm anyone. I gave my emotional state and thoughts about others away, trusting others and expecting them to be as open as I was, absorbing what other people said to or about me with no awareness of their intentions.