I think it's about all the mistakes and bad choices in his life keeping him awake night after night and finally realizing that you've had enough. It's about how his true enemy is himself and the only way to set it all right in his mind is to kill himself. If he's allowed to choose to continue living, he'll just keep fucking up over and over again. I think he may be explaining this to either a loved one or God, hoping that one day they'll be able to talk over what happened.
I think it's about all the mistakes and bad choices in his life keeping him awake night after night and finally realizing that you've had enough. It's about how his true enemy is himself and the only way to set it all right in his mind is to kill himself. If he's allowed to choose to continue living, he'll just keep fucking up over and over again. I think he may be explaining this to either a loved one or God, hoping that one day they'll be able to talk over what happened.