This song is the most important song in my whole life right now, if it was a person i would run and embrace it with all my heart. But at the same time I would cry, because it is describing EXACTLY what is going on in my life right now. Recently, I had been forced to move against my will, to a town in which I knew hardly anyone, and which was far, far away from where I grew up. I was detached from everything and everyone I love, and practically lost myself along with it all. I moved from my mother, and all my childhood friends, all that i loved, including my boyfriend. Every night I would cry myself to sleep, thinking about how I missed everyone and the only way I could finally dive in a fitful sleep was after I would imagine that he was there, that he still loved me and imagined the warm embrace of him and everyone. I tried my hardest when I first found out I would be living with my other parent to come back home, screaming and wailing until after a while i just all meaning to fight for it anymore. So, tired and dazed, I eventually gave in. I was scared that after I came back home after the bloody tear-filled 9 months that I would have lost all love and care for those that i had once cherished so closely, or, even worse, that they would not love me anymore, or that I would forget and not want to come home at all. I would sit and daydream all day long, often feeling drunken and far away, hiding inside myself as the days melted into eachother. I felt if I didn't do much, then it would all be over soon, like a bad daydream. But I still felt a huge knot inside me, I was screaming inside my head and heart, but no one else could here me. I just felt like an empty space without my home, without love. I was so sick of living with my Dad, it was horrible. I would think endlessly about my boyfriend, waiting for the day when I could come home and see him, feel his embrace in full and real life and flesh, and not just sparks of my desperate mind. But that day never came. I wanted to phone him, talk or contact him somehow, but i didnt know what to say, and I was afraid of what he would say, and what would happen, and because of my hesitation, I was dumped. It had happened before. But never like this. I realised then that i had actually been in love an not just going out with someone because I was bored, as in my usual reason. And because of that, I got paranoid, thinking about whether people actually still cared, or whether I was only an important character in their play when I was on stage. I worried about what people were saying about me, whether they had been speaking, or doing, things behind my back, telling everyone things they would never dare if I was there. And though my mother would always tell me that this was my punishment, and that when I returned I would be a better person, I knew that there would be nothing gained from this but disaster. I'd had a friend, who'd done some bad(if not intentional) things, and I'd heard everyone talk about him while he wasnt there, and they'd all talked about my sins too, what I'd done to my boyfriend at the beginning, and it made me think whether I deserved to be dumped, whether my mother was right, that I needed to be punished. ANd know I know that if I could go back and change what had happened I would tell him exactly how I felt, even IF he had to listen to me cry. And that I still thought about everyone, their electric embraces kept me warm while my heart was cold. And If I could stop the fight with my mom and return home, I would.
This song is the most important song in my whole life right now, if it was a person i would run and embrace it with all my heart. But at the same time I would cry, because it is describing EXACTLY what is going on in my life right now. Recently, I had been forced to move against my will, to a town in which I knew hardly anyone, and which was far, far away from where I grew up. I was detached from everything and everyone I love, and practically lost myself along with it all. I moved from my mother, and all my childhood friends, all that i loved, including my boyfriend. Every night I would cry myself to sleep, thinking about how I missed everyone and the only way I could finally dive in a fitful sleep was after I would imagine that he was there, that he still loved me and imagined the warm embrace of him and everyone. I tried my hardest when I first found out I would be living with my other parent to come back home, screaming and wailing until after a while i just all meaning to fight for it anymore. So, tired and dazed, I eventually gave in. I was scared that after I came back home after the bloody tear-filled 9 months that I would have lost all love and care for those that i had once cherished so closely, or, even worse, that they would not love me anymore, or that I would forget and not want to come home at all. I would sit and daydream all day long, often feeling drunken and far away, hiding inside myself as the days melted into eachother. I felt if I didn't do much, then it would all be over soon, like a bad daydream. But I still felt a huge knot inside me, I was screaming inside my head and heart, but no one else could here me. I just felt like an empty space without my home, without love. I was so sick of living with my Dad, it was horrible. I would think endlessly about my boyfriend, waiting for the day when I could come home and see him, feel his embrace in full and real life and flesh, and not just sparks of my desperate mind. But that day never came. I wanted to phone him, talk or contact him somehow, but i didnt know what to say, and I was afraid of what he would say, and what would happen, and because of my hesitation, I was dumped. It had happened before. But never like this. I realised then that i had actually been in love an not just going out with someone because I was bored, as in my usual reason. And because of that, I got paranoid, thinking about whether people actually still cared, or whether I was only an important character in their play when I was on stage. I worried about what people were saying about me, whether they had been speaking, or doing, things behind my back, telling everyone things they would never dare if I was there. And though my mother would always tell me that this was my punishment, and that when I returned I would be a better person, I knew that there would be nothing gained from this but disaster. I'd had a friend, who'd done some bad(if not intentional) things, and I'd heard everyone talk about him while he wasnt there, and they'd all talked about my sins too, what I'd done to my boyfriend at the beginning, and it made me think whether I deserved to be dumped, whether my mother was right, that I needed to be punished. ANd know I know that if I could go back and change what had happened I would tell him exactly how I felt, even IF he had to listen to me cry. And that I still thought about everyone, their electric embraces kept me warm while my heart was cold. And If I could stop the fight with my mom and return home, I would.