"I'm always doing what I think I should" throws it off a bit.
She's questioning her instincts, and her instincts are telling her to be perfect. I think that she could be talking to herself this whole time. She's not normally the type to stray from what's good and right, what's normal, what's safe, so her mind's split in two. She wants to do something, but she can't quite let herself.
As to why she'd feel this way, I think something happened to her. After people blame you for things you didn't do, label you wrongfully, or talk about you, you tend to get to wondering why the hell you're trying so hard to go against what everyone believes after this has been going on for so long, and you know it's not going to change.
She's asking herself why she's doing everybody good and doing what she thinks she should. She's wondering what it would be like to go in the absolutely opposite direction--will everyone's opinion of her turn around? Will she be happier? She's thinking about doing something different, but she's just not certain if she can let herself do it.
"I'm always doing what I think I should" throws it off a bit.
She's questioning her instincts, and her instincts are telling her to be perfect. I think that she could be talking to herself this whole time. She's not normally the type to stray from what's good and right, what's normal, what's safe, so her mind's split in two. She wants to do something, but she can't quite let herself.
As to why she'd feel this way, I think something happened to her. After people blame you for things you didn't do, label you wrongfully, or talk about you, you tend to get to wondering why the hell you're trying so hard to go against what everyone believes after this has been going on for so long, and you know it's not going to change.
She's asking herself why she's doing everybody good and doing what she thinks she should. She's wondering what it would be like to go in the absolutely opposite direction--will everyone's opinion of her turn around? Will she be happier? She's thinking about doing something different, but she's just not certain if she can let herself do it.