I really dont think this is about suicide... Heres the reason... A citadel is by definition: any strongly fortified place; stronghold.
This means that she is safe right where she is. That if she stays put, she can hold onto this saftey. She is comtemplating because she doesnt know if she should take a risk and change everything or if she should stay where its safe. She both doubts and believes in the decision/herself (What if I fall, What if I dont? etc..) In the end she finds that there is something thats keeping her from changing everything... But the "What if..." will always remain for her...
I really dont think this is about suicide... Heres the reason... A citadel is by definition: any strongly fortified place; stronghold.
This means that she is safe right where she is. That if she stays put, she can hold onto this saftey. She is comtemplating because she doesnt know if she should take a risk and change everything or if she should stay where its safe. She both doubts and believes in the decision/herself (What if I fall, What if I dont? etc..) In the end she finds that there is something thats keeping her from changing everything... But the "What if..." will always remain for her...