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I would say that these need fixing:
"said it doesn't kill to try" ... the "said" should be "saying"
"and there's blue lights all around" ... the "and there's" should be "then"
I would say that these need fixing:
"said it doesn't kill to try" ... the "said" should be "saying"
"and there's blue lights all around" ... the "and there's" should be "then"