The "if only" thing is really haunting...I feel you, since I feel EXACTLY the same way. When I'm being reasonable (and not just carried by emotions) I tend to think that things went like that for a reason...and maybe it's going to be better in the end...Maybe something really magical and bright is waiting for us after we're out of this hole.
I feel you, those dreams are the worst. If they're nice, you find yourself alone. If they're not so nice, you feel you're definitely screwed inside and you're wasting your thoughts...
The "if only" thing is really haunting...I feel you, since I feel EXACTLY the same way. When I'm being reasonable (and not just carried by emotions) I tend to think that things went like that for a reason...and maybe it's going to be better in the end...Maybe something really magical and bright is waiting for us after we're out of this hole. I feel you, those dreams are the worst. If they're nice, you find yourself alone. If they're not so nice, you feel you're definitely screwed inside and you're wasting your thoughts...
Best wishes to you too...we'll get over them...!