frankly, the lyrics suck. Sorry that's not very constructive. You gotta have better rhymes than he/she/it rhymes. take my lyrics I wrote for my band, Suitless Penguin, for instance:
"now we're standin on the ocean sky, you know we're all afraid to die"
"cause one day we'll learn that we don't have to swim... original love is original sin"
"I want to buy a paperback, I want to take a little trip, I want to learn everything there is until my mind is full of shit"
...and so on, it's thoughtful. its emo, but not depressing emo and it has good rhyme schemes.
on a more personal note, she probebly left you because you were too needy/clingy. That'll get you, but you can't write a song everytime you get dumped, it was probebly your fault anyway.
no hard feelings though, good luck with the band and with the ladies
frankly, the lyrics suck. Sorry that's not very constructive. You gotta have better rhymes than he/she/it rhymes. take my lyrics I wrote for my band, Suitless Penguin, for instance:
"now we're standin on the ocean sky, you know we're all afraid to die" "cause one day we'll learn that we don't have to swim... original love is original sin" "I want to buy a paperback, I want to take a little trip, I want to learn everything there is until my mind is full of shit"
...and so on, it's thoughtful. its emo, but not depressing emo and it has good rhyme schemes.
on a more personal note, she probebly left you because you were too needy/clingy. That'll get you, but you can't write a song everytime you get dumped, it was probebly your fault anyway.
no hard feelings though, good luck with the band and with the ladies