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Here Joseph is reflecting the fact that he could have killed himself ("can't exist") had it not been for the pain it would bring his family. He knows it would be a selfish thing to do while they are still alive ("I will wait for you mother etc.")
Here Joseph is reflecting the fact that he could have killed himself ("can't exist") had it not been for the pain it would bring his family. He knows it would be a selfish thing to do while they are still alive ("I will wait for you mother etc.")