I'm not really sure, but this is what I can make out:
"So close to , my mom must have felt free then and ready to live it all again. Nobody, nobody had the right to cry over her, and I felt ready to live it all again too. __ blind rage would wash me clean, rid me of hope for the first time. And that night alive with the signs and stars. I open myself to the gental indifference of the world. Finding it so much like myself, so like a brother, really. I felt that I had been happy, and I was happy again. __ . For me to feel less alone __ ."
I'm not really sure, but this is what I can make out: "So close to , my mom must have felt free then and ready to live it all again. Nobody, nobody had the right to cry over her, and I felt ready to live it all again too. __ blind rage would wash me clean, rid me of hope for the first time. And that night alive with the signs and stars. I open myself to the gental indifference of the world. Finding it so much like myself, so like a brother, really. I felt that I had been happy, and I was happy again. __ . For me to feel less alone __ ."
That is hard to make out