My take on this is that he has finally reached a state of self awareness, realizing that he has committed deeds that have caused harm to himself and to other people because of the way society traps us into doing so. Though he tries to escape the memories of these deeds, he finds himself almost unable to and, though he wishes he could be rid of them, he knows that nothing will every take the memories away. He thinks that WANTING to do good and DOING good are two completely different things. . .and though he felt as though wanting to do the right things was good enough in the past, he is starting to doubt it will ever be good enough to himself anymore because of things that he has seen/experienced. He thinks perhaps that trying todo good might be futile and though he has seen that he must try, he still knows that the traps of society once had him in their grasps and he does not know if his attempts at grace will be good enough to help spark the realization of what is right and what is wrong in other people because they have been blinded by these things for so long, due to one reason or another. He feels that though he might be flawed, he is still striving to find the truth and beauty in the things he knows because the memory of something beautiful stays with him forever.
My take on this is that he has finally reached a state of self awareness, realizing that he has committed deeds that have caused harm to himself and to other people because of the way society traps us into doing so. Though he tries to escape the memories of these deeds, he finds himself almost unable to and, though he wishes he could be rid of them, he knows that nothing will every take the memories away. He thinks that WANTING to do good and DOING good are two completely different things. . .and though he felt as though wanting to do the right things was good enough in the past, he is starting to doubt it will ever be good enough to himself anymore because of things that he has seen/experienced. He thinks perhaps that trying todo good might be futile and though he has seen that he must try, he still knows that the traps of society once had him in their grasps and he does not know if his attempts at grace will be good enough to help spark the realization of what is right and what is wrong in other people because they have been blinded by these things for so long, due to one reason or another. He feels that though he might be flawed, he is still striving to find the truth and beauty in the things he knows because the memory of something beautiful stays with him forever.