The song lyrics were written by the band Van Halen, as they were asked to write a song for the 1979 movie "Over the Edge" starring Matt Dillon. The movie (and the lyrics, although more obliquely) are about bored, rebellious youth with nothing better to do than get into trouble. If you see the movie, these lyrics will make more sense. It's a great movie if you grew up in the 70s/80s you'll definitely remember some of these characters from your own life. Fun fact, after writing the song, Van Halen decided not to let the movie use it.
ANNOUNCER: We now join our hero Sandpaper Man flying high in the sky over a small town, hoping to see nothing but peace...
SANDPAPER MAN: Ahhh, what a great day! The clean air provided by the nuclear energy plants! The noise polution of the traffic! Things couldn't be better! I swear I....what!? What is this!? JESUS JEHOVA! Look down there! A good citizen is lying on the ground, clutching her foot and crying out loud!
YOUNG LADY: Somebody help me please! I was walking barefoot on my new porch and I got a huge splinter in my toe!
SANDPAPER MAN: Hey there little lady, take it easy, TAKE IT EASY! I'll get that splinter out of your foot for you!
YOUNG LADY: Oh but how will you possibly do such a thing Sandpaper Man?? It seems so impossible!
SANDPAPER MAN: Why, I have my super-galactic-tweezers! I never leave the skies without them! Here ya go young lady!
"PLING!"
YOUNG LADY: Oh thank you Sandpaper Man! You're my hero!
SANDPAPER MAN: Yes...yes, hah hah, I know I am! But my work here isn't finished yet. You've still got a porch with TONS of rough edges! THIS LOOKS LIKE A JOB FOR SANDPAPER MAN!
ANNOUNCER: Just then, our hero Sandpaper Man rolled his body around the helpless young lady's porch, instantly smoothing it out.
SANDPAPER MAN: Woah Hoh! That was fun! Well Ma'm, there will be no more splinters for you or anybody ever again!
YOUNG LADY: Oh thank you Sandpaper Man! How will I ever repay you!?
SANDPAPER MAN: Well, I didn't get a chance to pay my bill for "Housewife Monthly" yet. And if you pick up the tab, well, WE'LL CALL IT EVEN!
YOUNG LADY: It's a deal! Thank you Sandpaper Man!
SANDPAPER MAN: Nooo Problem! And if you ever are in trouble again you needn't worry. For in two shakes of a gnat's ass Sandpaper Man will appear to help you in your time of need!
ANNOUNCER: And away flies our hero in search for more crime...
SANDPAPER MAN: Ahhh, what a great day! The clean air provided by the nuclear energy plants! The noise polution of the traffic! Things couldn't be better! I swear I....what!? What is this!? JESUS JEHOVA! Look down there! A good citizen is lying on the ground, clutching her foot and crying out loud!
YOUNG LADY: Somebody help me please! I was walking barefoot on my new porch and I got a huge splinter in my toe!
SANDPAPER MAN: Hey there little lady, take it easy, TAKE IT EASY! I'll get that splinter out of your foot for you!
YOUNG LADY: Oh but how will you possibly do such a thing Sandpaper Man?? It seems so impossible!
SANDPAPER MAN: Why, I have my super-galactic-tweezers! I never leave the skies without them! Here ya go young lady!
"PLING!"
YOUNG LADY: Oh thank you Sandpaper Man! You're my hero!
SANDPAPER MAN: Yes...yes, hah hah, I know I am! But my work here isn't finished yet. You've still got a porch with TONS of rough edges! THIS LOOKS LIKE A JOB FOR SANDPAPER MAN!
ANNOUNCER: Just then, our hero Sandpaper Man rolled his body around the helpless young lady's porch, instantly smoothing it out.
SANDPAPER MAN: Woah Hoh! That was fun! Well Ma'm, there will be no more splinters for you or anybody ever again!
YOUNG LADY: Oh thank you Sandpaper Man! How will I ever repay you!?
SANDPAPER MAN: Well, I didn't get a chance to pay my bill for "Housewife Monthly" yet. And if you pick up the tab, well, WE'LL CALL IT EVEN!
YOUNG LADY: It's a deal! Thank you Sandpaper Man!
SANDPAPER MAN: Nooo Problem! And if you ever are in trouble again you needn't worry. For in two shakes of a gnat's ass Sandpaper Man will appear to help you in your time of need!
ANNOUNCER: And away flies our hero in search for more crime...
Lyrics submitted by owlfnshow
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