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Had To (Leave) Lyrics
so you were with us until the last minute
and then you were gone from here
and i watched and i just figured out
that i will never see you again
i had a choice
you had to leave
into the night
this was my choice
it's so hard to explain what i meant
when i said that i wanted you dead
but i saw you fuck up and i just can't get back
the feeling i had for you
so i put all my strength into my only will
it was the only thing to do
and now i only regret that i cried
cause you would never do that for me
and then you were gone from here
and i watched and i just figured out
that i will never see you again
you had to leave
into the night
this was my choice
when i said that i wanted you dead
but i saw you fuck up and i just can't get back
the feeling i had for you
it was the only thing to do
and now i only regret that i cried
cause you would never do that for me
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Jonas Renkse I believe is singing about witnessing the death of a not-so close family member that he didn't care much for but when the family member died, the death struck him hard that no one lives forever. In the second verse I believe he means by "I had a choice, you had to leave" that he is letting the thoughts leave his heart and mind and is just trying to get over it. The third verse leads me to believe that the person who died was by some kind of overdose by the lines "I saw you fuck up".
In my opinion, the narrator had a friend/ lover, who betrayed him or just drastically changed in a bad way. That is why, the singer can't get back the feeling he had for that person and wanted him to leave or to die. He says that this was his choice, so he was the one to make other person disappear from his life - probably killed him or said something that would make him never come back. Obviously there are no regrets in the end, expect for the fact that he cried/ felt bad about his action back in the day, because he knows that person is so callous he would have never cried for him.