Rubber Ring

Hands down my favorite Smith's song. Everyone has their own opinion about what it means in general, and they're mostly right. But this is what it means to me, and it's extremely important to me. Plus, this is the only place I can actually seriously talk about it. Bear with me.

Isn't nostagia one of the greatest/worse feelings ever? Whenever I hear this song, I think back to the most horrible period of my life. Well, I thought it was my most horrible. Typical teenage angst. Now, I know that that was one of the greatest times of my life.

"A sad fact widely known The most impassionate song To a lonely soul Is so easily outgrown But don't forget the songs That made you smile And the songs that made you cry When you lay in awe On the bedroom floor..."

I lived in the middle of nowhere and I was an only child. So, I spent a lot of time in my bedroom bemoaning my fate. But then...I discovered music. REAL music. My music. It wasn't being fed to me through the popular radio stations. Oh, that is a great personal discovery, isn't it? Finding music that speaks to you. Especially if you're all alone in the middle of nowhere with only the cows to keep you company. I would 'lay in awe on the bedroom floor' for hours listening to that beautiful release.

"The passing of time And all of its crimes Is making me sad again The passing of time And all of its sickening crimes Is making me sad again But don't forget the songs That made you cry And the songs that saved your life Yes, you're older now And you're a clever swine But they were the only ones who ever stood by you."

It was then that I started to grow up- to find my own self and make up my mind about the world around me. At the time, I thought it was horrible. I'd wallow in my own angst and look around in disdain because no one knew what it was like. (What a tool I was, looking back on it now.) It got to the point that the songs that made me think were old and overplayed. They didn't touch me the way they used to. I didn't think about what was happening to me. I didn't even realize I was losing something precious. I was losing the very thing that made me, well, me. And I slowly forgot about the only ones who every stood by me.

"The passing of time leaves empty lives Waiting to be filled (the passing...) The passing of time Leaves empty lives Waiting to be filled I'm here with the cause I'm holding the torch In the corner of your room Can you hear me? And when you're dancing and laughing And finally living Hear my voice in your head And think of me kindly."

I jumped at life and slowly forgot the important songs. I was a music snob. (Oh, yes, I'll say it, I was a music hipster before being a music hipster was cool.) I just listened to them. I didn't feel them. That was my senior year of high school. That was when I was 'dancing and laughing and finally living'. I had friends who thought like me. That was something I never saw coming and I began to take it for granted. Then, it became clear something was missing. I'd be out with friends and I would realize that none of what we were talking about mattered. Don't get me wrong, I had fun. I had A LOT of fun. But it was all vapid. Shallow. Unimportant. I never got that feeling anymore. You know that feeling. When you listen to a song (an important one) and you're whole body aches and you can't breathe and you are so happy and so sad at the same time because somebody knows you. That impossible voice knows you and they want you to know that it's okay it's going to be okay I'm here for you whenever you need me I am yours. (Just thinking about that feeling right now makes me a bit teary-eyed.)

It was then that I realized I had turned my back on something so precious and innocent. And I would never get it back again. That one moment when you realize you are not alone. It's gone and you can never get it back and it hurts. The only thing you can do is look back and remember that voice in the darkness.

I can remember everysinglething about that voice. Everything about that voice is important. How it cracked on that one particular word or how it rose and fell in time with the music. And, sometimes, very rarely, I can get that feeling back. Just a ghost of it.

And I really hope Morrissey* knows how he made people like me feel more alive more than anything else in the world.

(*I know that The Smiths are more than just Morrissey...but it was his voice that made me feel.)