The song lyrics were written by the band Van Halen, as they were asked to write a song for the 1979 movie "Over the Edge" starring Matt Dillon. The movie (and the lyrics, although more obliquely) are about bored, rebellious youth with nothing better to do than get into trouble. If you see the movie, these lyrics will make more sense. It's a great movie if you grew up in the 70s/80s you'll definitely remember some of these characters from your own life. Fun fact, after writing the song, Van Halen decided not to let the movie use it.
A man walks down the street
He says, "why am I soft in the middle, now?
Why am I soft in the middle?
The rest of my life is so hard
I need a photo-opportunity
I want a shot at redemption
Don't want to end up a cartoon
In a cartoon graveyard"
Bonedigger, Bonedigger
Dogs in the moonlight
Far away in my well-lit door
Mr. Beerbelly, Beerbelly
Get these mutts away from me
You know, I don't find this stuff amusing anymore
If you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty, when you call me, you can call me Al
A man walks down the street
He says, "why am I short of attention?
Got a short little span of attention
And, whoa, my nights are so long
Where's my wife and family?
What if I die here?
Who'll be my role model
Now that my role model is gone, gone?"
He ducked back down the alley
With some roly-poly little bat-faced girl
All along, along
There were incidents and accidents
There were hints and allegations
If you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty, when you call me, you can call me Al
Call me Al
A man walks down the street
It's a street in a strange world
Maybe it's the third world
Maybe it's his first time around
Doesn't speak the language
He holds no currency
He is a foreign man
He is surrounded by the sound, the sound
Cattle in the marketplace
Scatterlings and orphanages
He looks around, around
He sees angels in the architecture
Spinning in infinity
He says, "Amen and Hallelujah"
If you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty, when you call me, you can call me Al
Call me
Na na na na, na na na na
Na na na na, na na na-na na-na
Na na na na, na-na na-na na na
Na na na na, na-na na-na na na
If you'll be my bodyguard
I can call you Betty
If you'll be my bodyguard
I can call you Betty
If you'll be my bodyguard
He says, "why am I soft in the middle, now?
Why am I soft in the middle?
The rest of my life is so hard
I need a photo-opportunity
I want a shot at redemption
Don't want to end up a cartoon
In a cartoon graveyard"
Bonedigger, Bonedigger
Dogs in the moonlight
Far away in my well-lit door
Mr. Beerbelly, Beerbelly
Get these mutts away from me
You know, I don't find this stuff amusing anymore
If you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty, when you call me, you can call me Al
A man walks down the street
He says, "why am I short of attention?
Got a short little span of attention
And, whoa, my nights are so long
Where's my wife and family?
What if I die here?
Who'll be my role model
Now that my role model is gone, gone?"
He ducked back down the alley
With some roly-poly little bat-faced girl
All along, along
There were incidents and accidents
There were hints and allegations
If you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty, when you call me, you can call me Al
Call me Al
A man walks down the street
It's a street in a strange world
Maybe it's the third world
Maybe it's his first time around
Doesn't speak the language
He holds no currency
He is a foreign man
He is surrounded by the sound, the sound
Cattle in the marketplace
Scatterlings and orphanages
He looks around, around
He sees angels in the architecture
Spinning in infinity
He says, "Amen and Hallelujah"
If you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty, when you call me, you can call me Al
Call me
Na na na na, na na na na
Na na na na, na na na-na na-na
Na na na na, na-na na-na na na
Na na na na, na-na na-na na na
If you'll be my bodyguard
I can call you Betty
If you'll be my bodyguard
I can call you Betty
If you'll be my bodyguard
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Before a live performance on the EP Five Stories Falling, Geoff states “It’s about the last time I went to visit my grandmother in Columbus, and I saw that she was dying and it was the last time I was going to see her. It is about realizing how young you are, but how quickly you can go.”
That’s the thing about Geoff and his sublime poetry, you think it’s about one thing, but really it’s about something entirely different. But the lyrics are still universal and omnipresent, ubiquitous, even. So relatable. That’s one thing I love about this band. I also love their live performances, raw energy and Geoff’s beautiful, imperfectly perfect vocals. His voice soothes my aching soul.
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I have no reason to doubt any of the explanations given above; but I have noticed something about this song of Simon's. Which seems to explain why, for example, one would want someone named "Betty" to be one's bodyguard....
This song can be read as a kind of modern/hip updating of Dante's "Divine Comedy". You'll recall (if you've read/studied it) that Dante descends into Hell on Christmas Day in the year 1300. He travels through Hell, guided by Virgil, viewing all the sinners being tormented; then through Purgatory; and finally makes it to Heaven, where he is reunited with Beatrice, his true love in real life, who died very young.
So...Dante's last name was Alighieri. Let's shorten it to Al. Beatrice could be shortened to Betty. In the poem, he wants to get to Heaven to meet her, but also to get her to protect him...she could be his...umm...bodyguard. And he would be her former friend/companion.
So that's the basic structure. It's also worth noting that there are three stanzas, presumably corresponding to the three worlds he visits--Hell, Purgatory, Heaven. There is talk of "redemption" and of being in a "foreign land" (understatement there). There are angels in the architecture, spinning in infinity.
...now, maybe this is all just coincidence. Maybe Simon has never read The Divine Comedy. But the parallels (and there are plenty more, but I'll stop here) are pretty striking.
@kflaux There's an explanation on the page for "Me and Julio down by the Schoolyard" that draws similar parallels with that song and Romeo and Juliet. I think the case is greater for "Call me Al" being a reference to the Divine Comedy, but I really think both are true.