So this has been.my favorite song of OTEP's since it came out in 2004, and I always thought it was a song about a child's narrative of suffering in an abusive Christian home. But now that I am revisiting the lyrics, I am seeing something totally new.
This song could be gospel of John but from the perspective of Jesus.
Jesus was NOT having a good time up to and during the crucifixion. Everyone in the known world at the time looked to him with fear, admiration or disgust and he was constantly being asked questions. He spoke in "verses, prophesies and curses". He had made an enemy of the state, and believed the world was increasingly wicked and fallen from grace, or that he was in the "mouth of madness".
The spine of atlas is the structure that allows the titan to hold the world up. Jesus challenged the state and in doing so became a celebrated resistance figure. It also made him public enemy #1.
All of this happened simply because he was doing his thing, not because of any agenda he had or strategy.
And then he gets scourged (storm of thorns)
There are some plot holes here but I think it's an interesting interpretation.
Yea, there was a time I didn't like the love, I liked the climbers,
I was no sister then, I was running out of time and one liners,
And I was afraid, like you are when you're too young to know the time, and
So I watched the way you take your fear and hoard the horizon,
You point, you have a word for every woman you can lay your eyes on,
Like you own them just because you bought the time,
And you turn to me, you say you hope Im not threatened,
Oh, I'm not that petty, as cool as I am, I thought you'd know this already,
I will not be afraid of women, I will not be afraid of women.
So now were at a club, you watch the woman dancing, she is drunk,
She is smiling and shes falling in a slow, descending funk,
And the whole bar is loud and proud and everybody's trying, yeah.
You play the artist, saying, "Is it how she moves, or how she looks?"
I say, its loneliness suspended to our own like grappling hooks,
And as long as shes got noise, shes fine.
But I could teach her how I learned to dance when the musics ended,
Oh, and thats not petty, as cool as I am, I thought you'd know this already,
I will not be afraid of women, I will not be afraid of women.
You tried to make me doubt, to make me guess, tried to make me feel like a little less,
Oh, I liked you when your soul was bared, I thought you knew how to be scared,
And now its amazing what you did to make me stay,
But truth is just like time, it catches up and it just keeps going,
And so Im leaving, you can find out how much better things can get,
And if it helps, Id say I feel a little worse than I did when we met,
So when you find someone else, you can try again, it might work next time,
You look out of the kitchen window and you shake your head and say low,
"If I could believe that stuff, Id say that woman has a halo,"
And I look out and say, "Yeah, shes really blond,"
And then I go outside to join the others, I am the others,
Oh, and that's not easy, I don't know what you saw, I want somebody who sees me,
I will not be afraid of women, I will not be afraid of women.
I was no sister then, I was running out of time and one liners,
And I was afraid, like you are when you're too young to know the time, and
So I watched the way you take your fear and hoard the horizon,
You point, you have a word for every woman you can lay your eyes on,
Like you own them just because you bought the time,
And you turn to me, you say you hope Im not threatened,
Oh, I'm not that petty, as cool as I am, I thought you'd know this already,
I will not be afraid of women, I will not be afraid of women.
So now were at a club, you watch the woman dancing, she is drunk,
She is smiling and shes falling in a slow, descending funk,
And the whole bar is loud and proud and everybody's trying, yeah.
You play the artist, saying, "Is it how she moves, or how she looks?"
I say, its loneliness suspended to our own like grappling hooks,
And as long as shes got noise, shes fine.
But I could teach her how I learned to dance when the musics ended,
Oh, and thats not petty, as cool as I am, I thought you'd know this already,
I will not be afraid of women, I will not be afraid of women.
You tried to make me doubt, to make me guess, tried to make me feel like a little less,
Oh, I liked you when your soul was bared, I thought you knew how to be scared,
And now its amazing what you did to make me stay,
But truth is just like time, it catches up and it just keeps going,
And so Im leaving, you can find out how much better things can get,
And if it helps, Id say I feel a little worse than I did when we met,
So when you find someone else, you can try again, it might work next time,
You look out of the kitchen window and you shake your head and say low,
"If I could believe that stuff, Id say that woman has a halo,"
And I look out and say, "Yeah, shes really blond,"
And then I go outside to join the others, I am the others,
Oh, and that's not easy, I don't know what you saw, I want somebody who sees me,
I will not be afraid of women, I will not be afraid of women.
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I relate with this song so much. I only heard a snippet of it and I instantly knew what it was all about because it practically tells the story of a relationship I was in.
I was head over heels for this guy who was perfection to me. Everything about him was beautiful, but the way he treated me. I wasn't ugly...I was modeling, at the time for Christ's sake, but I felt invisible to him every time we went out together because he was always looking at every other woman in the room. He would tell me things like, "I've always loved blondes....I can't help but look at them." I am a blonde. He would make comments about every women under the guise that he just admired female beauty...from an almost artistic perspective, but it was all a lie and I knew it. My self esteem was so low and given my looks then, I shouldn't have been so self-conscious.
This song is an affirmation. What happens in these situations where women have been in relationships like mine is that you become increasingly bitter, jealous, and paranoid. You start hating other women and it drives you crazy whenever another woman is around - a habit that is self-destructive to your entire life. Many women never overcome this problem. They don't know how...but I did. I started realizing that the man was the one with the problem...and that I was also in the shoes of those women I hated for being pretty or attractive to my boyfriend. Somewhere, some poor girl in many instances had been seething in insane jealousy over me when her boyfriend looked at me.
It's a vicious cycle of turning women against women and it's only broken when the woman dating the jerk breaks the cycle and embraces womankind. That doesn't mean becoming a lesbian or a man-hating feminazi...it just means standing up for yourself, realizing your own self-worth, and not blaming other women (who can actually be your allies) for the shortcomings of a man who doesn't realize the harm his wandering eyes and remarks cause...or who does realize and just doesn't care.
It's a brilliant song. Dar is a brilliant, brilliant songwriter. I just heard this song two days ago...and I'm so hooked. This song really touched my heart and brought back the feelings of pain and hurt and the triumph of learning to overcome and be secure in your skin.