When I Was a Boy

This is one of the saddest, truest songs I have ever heard anywhere. I like how it denounces the idea of rigid gender stereotypes without beating you over the head with its message.

"just a small boy on her bike, riding topless, yeah, I never cared who saw..." as my username states,that was me, I remember when my mom finally told me that I had to wear a shirt when I was in the front yard. I grew up in rural canada so it never really mattered too much, there were trees to climb and gardens to mess around in. I had mostly sisters, but I never cared about brushing my hair or keeping my clothes clean, and I was more interested in bugs than dolls. I love the way she shows how when you're little, you're just who you are, be it male or female, be it whatever you are. then in come stereotypes and all of a sudden you can't like bugs or run around without a shirt because puberty hits and people want to see you without one. may I echo empathy_junkie--- I miss the days when I was a little boy.

I can relate so so much to this song. I love how she can make so many references to who a woman, and a man, are expected to be. I like the reference about how a woman should always be on display (tight shirt) and always think she is not good enough (implants). As a kid she got to be topless and not care how people think she measures up.

Mostly I love how she doesn't blame men for girls feeling the need to do these things, but society/marketing. She paints men as just as much victums of growing up as women are.

I saw her in concert last night, and this song made me cry. Ever since I was little (and i was another one of those girls who always said she was a boy and was dirty and wrestled...) this song has been like...my song. And my mom says that the first time she heard this song she thought about me.

so everytime i listen to this song i get something new from it. When i was 8, all i saw was the being a boy and not wanting to be a girl, but when i listen now, i hear all of the body image things. It makes me think of how easy everything was when i could play in the sprinkler with swimming trunks on and now i have to worry about how i dress...

this song is so moving, and she does it so beautifully.

I love this song. Nightkite13, you put it so well, "This is one of the saddest, truest songs I have ever heard anywhere."

I love how this isn't only a feminist rejection of female gender roles, but a fully rounded realization of how social gender norms constrain all of us.

My wife introduced me to Dar Williams' music, and I'm proud to say that this song makes me tear up a little every time especially in the last verse. I was a girl too :)

Gender stereotypes and how they inhibit us

I love the whole Peter Pan analogy in this song, it rocks. And I think it's cute how she shows the stereotypical gender issues. Gotta love Dar!

i think this song is absolutly beautiful. i also agree with the people above me. gender is so rigid when people become adults. if you dont fit your gender's stereotype, people think you're gay or transgeneder or "confused". its so much simpler with little kids. it's okay to climb trees when though you're a little girl (i climbed quite a few in skirts that my mom picked out). i grew up a little like this, surrounded by boys. but it's definately changed for me, which is sad. i miss the days when i was a little boy.

This is an AMAZING song! I still do that stuff... Im a tomboy... Oh wait... It has changed for me... now... Im a tomboi... Im a lesbian but back in the day of liking guys... I used to want to be like them... to be fearless...because I thought only boys could. But then I got into the Spice Girls... and they said Girl Power... so... yeah... I didnt have to be a boy to be fearless.

Dar says:

"The feminists are going to say, “Why couldn’t you be that way when you were a girl?” But I wasn’t like a boy, I was a boy. So there was grit to stick to that strong line. I was describing how I was a boy, and then I was trying to decide how to end the song. I thought the song was going to be a whole thing about women in the world, but I realized it’s just not a feminist song. It’s not a song about women, it’s a song about children. So that’s why the ending is “when I was a girl.” And that’s what made all the difference. Because if it was turning into a feminist manifesto, it would have been really heavy. It would have been like that rib that they put on the car in the Flintstones, and the whole car falls over! It would have been that rib.

I think there is a lot of empathy between men and women, and they want to share, but they get polarized by these debates. I didn’t want to feel that I was arguing against men, especially since men get shafted so much by their roles. Actually a lot of women that I speak to who would have been the separatists, they feel sorry for men. They don’t feel like men are the enemy, they feel like men are the victims of these roles.