Holding on to Smoke

I'm tired of feeling comatose
I've lost the me that I loved most
I'm barely holding on to smoke
I'm not addicted but I'm not clean
Why do I do this to myself on repeat ?
So disconnected from my own reality
Am I man or machine ?
If I give, will you take ?
As I lie for the taste
I just fuck it up as you lap it up
(Go)
Through flesh and bone, I walk alone
(Go)
If I run, will I fade away ?
'Cause I don't wanna leave it behind
In all my pride
All my shame
I find strenght enough to show you
I may bend
But I won't break
'Cause I define who I, define who I become
I'm just the me that I have not met
Choking in silence on the words left unsaid
I feel a sickness for a home I've never been
And I exist in black and white but now I'm seeing red
I built a shelter in complacency
Locked myself in and set fire and threw away the key
So scared to live and I'm afraid to die
So am I living or am I just alive?
All my pride,
All my shame
I find strength enough to show you
I may bend but I won't break
I define who I become
'Cause I'm tired of feeling comatose
I lost the me that I loved most
I'm barely holding on to smoke
But I'm holding on, I'm holding on
Broken, I'm holding on
Chosen to right the wrong
Silence, connected yet I feel so separated
Falling through flesh and bone
Frozen, I stand alone
Chosen to silence, the voice remains
In my eyes beneath my rage
I was struggling to get through
Out of time and out of faith
I define who I become
In all my pride, all my shame
I find strength enough to show you
I may bend but I won't break
'Cause I define who I
Define who I become
I'm tired of feeling comatose
I've lost the me that I loved most
I'm barely holding on to smoke
But I'm holding on, I'm holding on
I'm tired of being human, tired of being numb
I'm waiting for the holy ghost to come
So save me from the webs that I have spun
I'm holding on, holding on
I'm holding on, holding on to smoke