Life Song

My son, Griffin, died two weeks ago. He was 10 and was missing a leg from birth. He had permanent halitosis and musculoskeletal challenges (arthritis, etc.), but he never complained. He only required continual love and attention, which was easy because he was the sweetest and most charismatic boy I’ve ever met.

Yes, he was a dog, but he was my son—because I snipped my junk years ago in order to minimize my carbon footprint and not bring another human being into this irreparably fucked-up world. Instead, I helped rescue a boy in need. He found the most loving home(s) possible.

As he got older, I would carry his three-legged, sway-backed, bulky 80-pound frame home after off-leash walks; I would do anything to mitigate his pain. As would his mother, my ex-wife. We shared the custody and love of this creature, because he was our son. And he brought us untold joy.

I cannot help but think of Griffin when I hear this song.

On the day he died, I had to hold him upside-down on the veterinarian x-ray bed. Dogs do not usually like this. He would not cooperate with the technicians without me clutching him in the radiation room. I told them I didn’t mind absorbing the gamma rays. Yet, at the time, I had no idea this would be Griff’s last day on earth. (“As I’m traveling upside-down, into a world of the unknown…”)

Turns out he had a cancerous mass at the base of his heart, occluding his trachea and causing him to gag/cough. It had already spread elsewhere. We had no practical solution but to give him an injection and say goodbye.

Physics proves that our energy is never destroyed. I know this. But I so hope my sweet Buddy Boi knows this too. As a dog, he had no voice, no chance to say goodbye.

I'm on this one way mission lost Exploding into stars I am through, now I'm on the other side

I'm dying to say I love you anyway Even though you sent me off to die

I'm dying, I'm dying I am yours Warning from the other side

How can I explain With no voice With no chance As I'm traveling upside down Into a world of the unknown