Skin & Bones

It's funny how your life experiences can shift your perspective on the music and other media that you consume in your day to day life.

I know most of the songs on Fix Me are supposed to be about drugs and whatnot, but my interpretation on this particular song has changed ever since I got out of my first romantic relationship. Now it's as if I am experiencing the song from a different lens than I was before.

I lock the door and turn all the water on and bury that sound, so no one hears anything anymore.

These first few lines in the song get me thinking about how I was feeling after ending things with my first boyfriend; I spent the majority of time in my room with the music blasting so that no one would hear me crying.

Mirror lie to me, tell me you can see. Maybe you won't be able to recognize me now.

It felt like the longer I stayed in a romantic relationship with my boyfriend, that I would keep on losing track of who I was and what it meant to stay true to myself; I could no longer recognize the girl in the mirror. What happened to that girl that wasn't afraid to speak her mind, to advocate for herself and the people in her life?

I know you can feel all the things you steal And you're taking it, you're taking it

I wonder if he was aware just how much of my identity was being taken away the longer we were together. He kept taking and taking when all I ever did was give until I had nothing else to give.

Feeling so easy Make me skin and bones I'm always on my knees for you You break like it's even When you're leaving it thin Where the hell have you been?

At the start, things felt so easy, like he could never do me wrong, until he did. Again, all I did was give and he took advantage of my good nature. It ended up that soon after I opened my heart up to him, that he wasn't ready to open his up to me himself, and so, he started to pull away from me and the beautiful bond that we had with each other.

Well, sometimes it burns Maybe I'll wash it out It all looks so big Never mind, I don't feel anything It only hurt a bit I still feel like shit And I think you won't be able to recognize me now It's easier to quit It's harder to admit And you're pushing me, you're fucking pushing me!

At first, it was easy for me to open up about the serious matters occupying my mind, but because he wasn't opening up himself, fear was starting to settle in, and so, when things started to hurt (or in this case, "burn"), I would hold it all in and act like I was okay with things, even though I knew deep down inside that I wasn't okay and that I wouldn't be unless I opened up some more to him. Things felt big at times, but yeah, I didn't want to make it a bigger deal than it was, and so, I held onto all of my hurt, and yeah, it hurt. It was easier to hold it all in than to open up and let him know I felt.

'Cause you always win And you, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah! Laughin' like it works Bleeding like it don't hurt Knock you off your feet Even if you need me Tear you apart, and I hate how I need you, oh, oh

It turned out, he was always winning. As soon as I brought up boundaries of my own, he wouldn't have it. It was his way or the highway. I didn't want to need him, but it sure felt like I needed him and that he needed me, except what good is a relationship when you become the only person putting an effort in to work things out?

I will burn all this I will burn all this I will burn all this I will burn all this I will burn all this I will burn all this I will burn all this I will burn all this I will burn all this

Did I burn every remainder of our relationship? No, but that doesn't mean I didn't think about doing so.

This song was titled "Push You Up" on their debt EP, but was re-recorded and renamed for their Fix Me album.